May 4th, 2009
Workplace Bullying: Psychological Violence?
By Steve Oppermann
FedSmith.com
December 3, 2008
I have written previously on workplace violence; this time, I am going to offer a few thoughts on bullying in the workplace, which a number of experts see as a form of workplace violence. Dr. Gary Namie has described bullying as “psychological violence,” and I think that is a very good description. The article will also touch on cyber-bullying, a new form of bullying that is as current as today’s headlines. (See, also, Pondering the Impact of Workplace Violence.)
You may have read the very recent – and profoundly disturbing – headline about a Missouri woman who was found guilty of misdemeanor crimes in a “MySpace” cyber-bullying case linked to a 13-year-old girl’s suicide. According to prosecutors, the woman conspired with her young daughter and a business associate to create a fictitious profile of a 16-year-old boy on MySpace to harass Megan Meier, apparently in an effort to humiliate Megan for saying mean things about her daughter.
The “boy” sent flirtatious messages to Megan, but then abruptly changed to a very harsh tone, telling her “The world would be a better place without you.” After receiving that message, Megan hanged herself with a belt in her bedroom closet. According to prosecutors, the woman knew that Megan suffered from depression and was emotionally fragile.
A major USA Today article dated November 19, 2008, entitled “Bullying devastates lives,” and chronicled the sad stories of three women who experienced constant bullying in school – one for having red hair, one for being shy, and one for being “different.”
The three women, now ranging in age from 28 to 52, continue to be affected by the bullying that they suffered in school. According to Daniel Nelson, medical director of the Child Psychology Unit at the Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center, “…there’s no question that ‘unrelenting,’ daily hostilities that maybe escalate to threats or actual aggression can be on par with torture…,” or that ” repeated and severe bullying can cause psychological trauma.” Nelson went on to observe that “There’s no question that bullying in certain instances can be absolutely devastating.”
A companion article talked about a high school girl whose epileptic seizures – of all things! – had made her a target in three different schools. She was so traumatized by the tormenting that she dropped out of school and is now pursuing independent study; the young woman “suffers so much that she could not be interviewed” for the article. Sisters Emily and Sarah Buder, appalled by the news, wrote letters to the girl and asked friends to do so as well. They hoped for 50 letters; the current total is 6,500, and counting!
I also ran across a November 7 Reuters article entitled “Bullies may get kick out of seeing others in pain.” In this one, University of Chicago “researchers compared eight boys ages 16 to 18 with aggressive conduct disorder to a group of eight adolescent boys with no unusual signs of aggression.” The article went on to state that, in the “aggressive teens, areas of the brain linked with feeling rewarded…became very active when they observed video clips of pain being inflicted on others. But they showed little activity in an area of the brain involved in self-regulation…as was seen in the control group.”
Researcher Benjamin Lahey noted that “It is entirely possible their brains are lighting in the way they are because they experience seeing pain in others as exciting and fun and pleasurable.” Lahey went on to say that “the differences between the two groups were strong and striking, but cautioned that the study was small and needs to be confirmed by a larger study.”
How does all of this relate to the Federal workplace?
Bullying, whether via the latest technologies or by more traditional means, is a growing problem in American workplaces of all kinds, and I don’t see why Federal agencies would be exceptions.
In fact, I just received an e-mail from a woman who indicated that she has been bullied so severely in her current job, to include being screamed at in anger by managers and treated with no respect by some of her co-workers, that she felt compelled to tell her story to someone. I have received similar comments from other FedSmith.com readers in the past in response to articles I have written that may have touched on the subject, so I know that there are employees in a number of Federal agencies who feel they are being bullied.
I think the following guidance, adapted from Violence in the Workplace Prevention Guide, published in 2001 by the Canadian Centre for Occupational Health & Safety (CCOHS), is worth a look whether you are a Federal manager, supervisor, or non-supervisory employee.
What is Workplace Bullying?
Bullying is usually seen as acts or verbal comments that could ‘mentally’ hurt or isolate a person in the workplace. Sometimes, bullying can involve negative physical contact as well. Bullying usually involves repeated incidents or a pattern of behavior that is intended to intimidate, offend, degrade or humiliate a particular person or group of people. It has also been described as the assertion of power through aggression.
What are Examples of Bullying?
While bullying is a form of aggression, the actions can be both obvious and subtle. It is important to note that the following is not a checklist, nor does it mention all forms of bullying. This list is included as a way of showing some of the ways bullying may happen in a workplace. Also remember that bullying is usually considered to be a pattern of behavior where one or more incidents will help show that bullying is taking place.
Examples Include:
- Spreading malicious rumors, gossip, or innuendo that is not true
- Excluding or isolating someone socially
- Intimidating a person
- Undermining or deliberately impeding a person’s work
- Physically abusing or threatening abuse
- Removing areas of responsibilities without cause
- Constantly changing work guidelines
- Establishing impossible deadlines that will set up the individual to fail
- Withholding necessary information or purposefully giving the wrong information
- Making jokes that are ‘obviously offensive’ by spoken word or e-mail
- Intruding on a person’s privacy by pestering, spying or stalking
- Assigning unreasonable duties or workload which are unfavorable to one person (in a way that creates unnecessary pressure)
- Under work – creating a feeling of uselessness
- Yelling or using profanity
- Criticizing a person persistently or constantly
- Belittling a person’s opinions
- Unwarranted (or undeserved) punishment
- Blocking applications for training, leave or promotion
- Tampering with a person’s personal belongings or work equipment.
It is sometimes hard to know if bullying is happening at the workplace. Many studies acknowledge that there is a “fine line” between strong management and bullying. Comments that are objective and are intended to provide constructive feedback are not usually considered bullying, but rather are intended to assist the employee with their work.
If you are not sure an action or statement could be considered bullying, you can use the “reasonable person” test. Would most people consider the action unacceptable?
How Can Bullying Affect an Individual?
People who are the targets of bullying may experience a range of effects. These reactions include:
- Shock
- Anger
- Feelings of frustration and/or helplessness
- Increased sense of vulnerability
- Loss of confidence
- Physical symptoms such as:
- Inability to sleep
- Loss of appetite
- Psychosomatic symptoms such as:
- Stomach pains
- Headaches
- Panic or anxiety, especially about going to work
- Family tension and stress
- Inability to concentrate
- Low morale and productivity
How Can Bullying Affect the Workplace?
Bullying affects the overall “health” of an organization. An “unhealthy” workplace can have many effects. In general these include:
- Increased absenteeism
- Increased turnoverv
- Increased stress
- Increased costs for employee assistance programs (EAPs), recruitment, etc.
- Increased risk for accidents / incidents
- Decreased productivity and motivation
- Decreased morale
- Reduced corporate image and customer confidence
- Poorer customer service
What Can an Employer Do?
The most important component of any workplace prevention program is management commitment. Management commitment is best communicated in a written policy. Since bullying is a form of violence in the workplace, employers may wish to write a comprehensive policy that covers a range of incidents (from bullying and harassment to physical violence).
Final Thoughts: I believe that managers and supervisors are morally responsible for ensuring that employees are not bullied in the workplace, but I also think that it makes good business sense.
For example, I can see real potential for people who feel they are being bullied relentlessly to eventually reach their limit and attempt to hurt either themselves or others. I believe that many of the students who have wreaked violence on their schools, such as Harris and Klebold at Columbine High School, or planned to do so, cited being picked on relentlessly as at least one of the motivating factors for their attacks.
While most employees who are bullied are unlikely to strike out at their perceived tormentors – in fact, they are more likely to absorb the bullying without saying anything to anyone – I can’t imagine anyone doing their best work when they are feeling bullied and humiliated and/or are fearful for their safety. Accordingly, I maintain that it is in management’s interest to maintain a respectful work environment and not to tolerate any bullying behavior.
I would advise managers and supervisors to start by examining their own behavior – soliciting feedback from trusted colleagues might be part of the process – to make sure they are not engaging in any bullying of their own, however inadvertent. I would also suggest that they let employees know that bullying, like workplace violence and threats, will not be tolerated, and tell employees who feel they are being bullied to report it to management immediately.
As always, I welcome the thoughts of FedSmith.com readers.
© 2009 Steve Oppermann. All rights reserved. This article may not be reproduced without express written consent from Steve Oppermann.
This entry was posted on Monday, May 4th, 2009 at 6:11 pm and is filed under Bullying Tutorials, Bullying in the News, Health Care. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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I am a nice person. I always did MY JOB.
i deserve a stable paycheck in a non hostile enviroment. not a living hell of SCREAMING MEME”S
Yes I think there is such a fine line but in my case sometimes you can become the culprit and behave reflectively without even realizing it. In my case, that is what happened and I am bottled with so much anger regarding the incident. The water cooler, rumor mill is just wrong no matter how you look at it, and you can’t isolate yourself in an office all day. You will have to still communicate and relate on some type of level, until you aren’t in that office anymore. It is a tough place to be, especially when you are the minority and not the majority. It enrages me that our society can grow in one spectrum like becoming more compassionate and concerned with humantarian rights but then exhibit animalistic behavior towards another, no less at work when any business is built on relationships and maintained by communication. I hope to see an effective change, world wide similar to going green. It’s great not to waste so much paper products, and recycling is good. However, stepping on someone’s soul or esteem is just as equally important.
Hi Pamela,
I SO agree with you. I was subjected to workplace bullying and as a result ended up losing my state job of 24 years. It’s been two years and it still affects me. I have been unemployed since June 2008. Although I am trying to make lemonade out of lemons by going back to school full-time, I just can’t get past it. The fact that a person can have so much power and make it his sole purpose to make another person so miserable at work is ludicrous to me. I tried to sue, but if you don’t have thousands of dollars, you can forget it. Plus, in my situation, I was employed by the Office of Attorney Ethics and my “bully” was the Director of the office. Prior to being employed in that particular office, I worked in another agency 20 years and never had problems like that.
Just wanted you to know that I enjoyed what you had to say on the subject. God Bless You!
Employers that tolerate or condone bullying are committing corporate suicide. Why? Because workplace bullying is one type of fuse that can and will ignite workplace violence. When I walked into my workplace almost 13 years ago the culture was filled with bullying by a co-worker and management. The atmosphere of distrust, disparate treatment, intimidation and low morale was truly a wonder to behold.
My co-worker was allowed to run amok with blatant outbursts of cursing, demeaning personal insults, unprofessional conduct, negative gender and racial innuendos. All this with managements full knowledge and consent. Indeed, the department directors’ style was one of finger pointing intimidating disparate treatment and bullying. Since that time due to various lawsuits management has toned this employee down and itself somewhat. Oh, yeah that’s right.. the employee is still employed!
The same management structure is still in place as well. What type of business would operate in such a self destructive manner? My employer is local government. That’s right, local government! Hmm… the last time I checked government is held to a higher duty of enforcing the laws of the land. What is amazing is the fact that no serious outbreaks of violence have yet occurred. However, as research shows their is no way to predict when a powder keg will explode. Even though there will usually be some warning signs beforehand. Managing office bullies will only be effective when government and employers manage “bully management”.
I just came out of the absolutely worst work environment I have ever experienced. The laws that applied to workplace conduct were a joke. I was working in Social Services. The workplace bulling was so blatant it was obvious that the people doing it had no concerns of any consequences. Our tax dollars paid for it all.
That’s interesting. I work for a local government agency, too. There has been workplace bullying by one manager, and lots of employees have been chased out. The turnover was unreal until this recession started.
Too many people from higher up protect the manager though and because he caters to new employees, the new employees love him.
Also, it is nearly impossible to fire anyone who holds a permanent position in the government. Thus, the abuse continues, and they all pretend that we are living in a wonderful La La Land because no one wants to look bad.
I agree Jean, and to expect any positive results from HR is a big joke! I’ve posted several blogs on here in the past and am grateful to have somebody to share my story with.
I was employed in the health care field for many years. My last place of employment is a non-profit organization, in the TMC in Houston,Texas. Whew! If they only knew what I know and have seen and heard. Yes, I am very angry and hurt but life goes on and by the grace of God…so will I.
I am a “Nurses Aide” as most nurses will tell you……..We are the backbone of the nursing staff, they depend on us. Our assignment is given to each CNA at the beginning of every shift. Trust me, after 12 long hours and only two “2″ fifteen “15″ minute breaks, it makes for a long long night! Not to mention “Nurse Ratchet” there are some nurses who deliberately make our job tougher. In addition to the fact they’ve forgotten “on hands” nursing is what it’s all about. Only a select few will offer their assistance when needed. Needless to say, you learn to do as much as possible alone. Also learning to look the other way instead of getting in a “paper war”. Writing people up is a waste of time, (I learned that lesson first). Second…DTA = Don’t Trust Anybody. In the medical field, if you’re low man on the totem pole as my position was considered. FORGET IT! Nobody is going to listen, it’s your word against theirs. If you’ve observed inappropriate nursing activities/behavior, patient abuse, medicaide fraud, repeated cross-contamination, false documentation,and theft. Long time employees will lie, twist the truth to their benefit. They are the worst of the Bullies. Documentation isn’t worth it, the bully will always deny your report. Setting you up to be fired is what they do best, not stopping until mission accomplished.
It would be nice if the State of Texas would pass a law to stop Bullying in the Workplace.
I worked hard, did my job well, kept to myself and took notes. Perhaps in rare cases, reporting the bully will pay off. My past observation dictates the bully is still employed at the same facility. Nobody cares to investigate the wrong doing persons. Ultimately, you’re unemployed, burnt out and sick from the mental abuse and humiliation. I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, fear seeking employment elsewhere. Being blessed with a wonderful supportive husband
has been my saving grace. I can only pray and hope for justice one day. God bless you all
My employer is local government as well and the amount of bullying that goes on is horrendous. No one reports it because the bully and HR will join together to make the target of bullying feel that they are the problem. Witnesses to the bullying won’t speak out for fear of losing their jobs.
The best way to deal with bullying is to get out of there while you still can.
OH YEAH… !!! BY THE WAY, I WORK FOR LOCAL GOVERNMENT TOO ??? WHAT ??? BLATENT CONDONED WORKPLACE BULLYING ON GOVERNMENT PROPERTY ?? I should work on a farm with all the chickens around me. Ok, stress causes bad humor. The last
verse in Psalms 5 says “we are encircled and covered with favor as a shield”. Umph. I ma hold on to that.
I agree 100% Angel, often makes you wonder “what the heck is HR supposed to represent”? Although I’m still very hurt and angry due to the false accusations against me. It’s also a relief not being there.
When I was terminated last year, HR was never notified. Fine with me, I wanted out of there for good because if those two nurses were any indication of what type of people I’d be working with. WHEW!! No Thank-you.
The(PCM)Patient care manager grew impatient when I refused to sign her crappy piece of paper……Stating I’d “Threatened Violence In The Workplace” I recall telling her,…….”I’m not signing anything when I’m not guilty as accused. I was slapped, but I NEVER slapped back. I also informed the PCM I’d be more than happy to take a polygraph. Then, we’d see who’s lying, but she brushed the idea off.
I have been married to a Police Officer almost 30 years and am well known. I am a good person and a hard worker. Being blessed with a kind, loving heart and much compassion. I loved my job so much but I wouldn’t go back there for no amount of money! Looking back, I feel God has a reason.
HR is the biggest joke ever! I’ll never understand How or Why people/coworkers are able to get away with the things they do.
With each passing day, I thank God I’m out of that place.
OMG !!! did you just transfer out of the position I just got three years ago ? The “as needed” fellow employee who is boudary-less, etc., is my boss’ ‘yes person’ and I’ve just been clued in, is threatened by me. WHAT ???? It just occured to me, after loss of appetite (just not my style), stomach pains (mine is …’iron cast’), sleepless nights, fatigue, depression, sadness… WHAT ??????????????? Did some research and realized it’s like being physically compromised- like ‘rape’. Extreme ?? Not at all. The helplessness is in that, there’s no proof, ’cause there are no witnesses and according to my boss’ behavior, this woman can do no wrong (well, after 17+ years of loyaty and working closely together). In addition, I am a very fair skinned African-American woman not given to ‘cliques’… wrong move on my part !! So, not playing their ‘game’, I’m usually the odd man out. Although my job performance is exemplary, evidenced by saving my boss’ a$$ on numerous occasions (clerically), her behavior towards me has been increasingly favorable, except the covert behavior of my co-worker (there’s only 5-6 of us at any one time regularly). My job is ideal, the location is divine, and the pay is good. I’m gonna figure a way out of this… the first thing I’m gonna do is walk in straight-up, forward dignity and not waiver one way or the other… I’m not gonna let her, them, win !! Just not gonna do it !! Hope I don’t have to introduce legal intervention, but I also researched what to do… DOCUMENT DAY DATE TIME EVENT WHOSE PRESENT AND DETAIL in brief, concise terms without a lot of dramatic verbiage… I’m getting my documenting together… & either I’ll practice my writing, publish some kind of self help book, or win a court case… I’m 60 & post-menopausal & now, not to be messed with. WRONG PERSON THIS TIME !! This one’s not leavin like the one before me, this one is simply going to prevail.
I have read several articles about adolescent anger management but they didn’t give me the complete picture but finally you article has done when i found it on Monday.
I’m a victim of bullying as a result of doing my job and minding my own business. I don’t think most people realize how much hurt comes from small episodes of bullying. Over time, all these minor situations add up to practically driving one insane. Most managers do nothing unless it so blatant that they cannot avoid it. That’s what I’m looking at now.
I agree it adds up and when the bullied person gets enough they react and often that is what management sees.
There was nobody by my side all the time to see all the different things that were done to me. The work environment was huge and not static seating arrangements either so there was plenty of opportunity for the mob to act out. People who otherwise would have supported me thought I was over-reacting because they never saw all the things that happened and assessment of that cumulative damage is not done even by the target who is emotionally reeling from the pain.
I am now fully convinced that thoughts are things and that we can feel negative thoughts through the air even if we are not conscious of it – I believe that negativity impacts our physical body even though once again we are not consciously aware. Think about the last time you were in a crowd and for some unknown to you reason you turned to look in a direction different from where you were headed. When you turned your head you saw someone staring at you – maybe not even someone that you knew – intent unknown on a conscious level but it was enough of a violation of your space that on some unconscious level your radar perceived it and turned to face your “attacker” head-on.
Sorry, best example I can give – but I am now more than ever considering this very seriously. I think that the decades of joking and derision about Michael Jackson depleted his life force and contributed over time to his physical demise and death – along with many other factors of course but still a major component imho and no I was not a fan. I don’t know anybody else who thinks this way as I do so if I am onto something known – please advise.
I was a workplace bully victim too. At the very end, I experienced orofacial pain, after waking up from a nap after which I had been clenching my jaw for which there is no real effective guaranteed treatment, which gets worse with stress. I have to limit my chewing and can’t really eat all the same things I used to love to eat very much if at all. A few months before this occurred, my supervisor walked past my desk and said, “I would like to take them out and rearrange their face” I couldn’t sleep for several days after that. After hearing that I knew she was a vindictive person who liked to inflict pain whether it was psychological or physical. The security guy didn’t care about that because I guess he knew she wasn’t a psychiatrically labeled person, whereas the person who overheard it was. The disabled could never figure out if her all coworkers “friends” were pressured into bullying her based upon the supervisors instructions to bully her (in some cases she knew this to be the case as she overheard instructions for the senior employees to do this to her). But basically almost the entire team she was on was bullying her…asking her “Do you have confidence?” The disabled had a computer science degree, cum laude, which she did not try to brag about, while the bullies either did not have a degree, or it was in Management, or Information Technology. The supervisor who also did not have a college degree, would say stupid things like “You can’t take notes on a computer during a meeting and pay attention at the same time.” and get the disabled’s trusted friend and mentor to back up her stupid claims..Finally the disabled pointed out that the contractors took notes on computers during meetings. They were always changing their verbal requirements to assignments. The task leader would ask for an email description to send to her after they chatted about this in Lotus notes…then the supervisor said the disabled confused her coworkers with excessive emails and fired her for this.The disabled was put on AWOL as she was comforting her husband in the hospital and caring for him and she was trying to use her sick leave while she was sick too both physcially, with several physical conditions all at once..the HR claimed “Some cancer is not that serious” The supervisor acted callously and told her she should have made arrangements sooner for husband’s cancer surgery. The disabled sent in at least 4 sick notes, and still got put on AWOL, with the supervisor’s boss’s blessing as well as the HR’s blessing. HR was very uncooperative about answering any questions related to severance health packages and would only send email booklets which didn’t have all the answers in it.As for Michael Jackson’s case, I think it might be the fact that maybe he was innocent of being any kind of child molester. If he was molested as a child and cared deeply about children, and was innocent, I think this would be enough to send someone to an early grave. I know from experience…I love kids too and care about them and I was molested..I was scolded by my pediatrician that I would grow up to be one too..because of these stereotypes or predjudices I have decided never to work with children at all.
There are so many cruel people in this world…I think the majority of them are..that I have become a recluse and no longer want to have anything to do with people anymore…cannot withstand any more physical or emotional pain and I must take care of my health now..the bullies are out there looking for someone to belittle, and I am not going to put myself out there again.
Hey ya’ll… the more I read the more courage I’m determined to stir up… check out the movie “What the Bleep do We Know”… particularly Leslie… yes, it is something known… follow your heart… Their destructive motives, especially when conscious of it to any degree, begin to reflect in their lives… stuff starts to fall apart, hopefully, they’ll “get it” & grow.
I went through this with a company, starting in 2007, 2008, and after multiple write-ups and suspensions due to so called “poor job performance”, was evently dismissed for just cause. This led to me being evicted, being homeless for two weeks, i got my un-employment, but the company appealed and won on a bogus security video that the company said that i came back to my work area late on two instances the last night i worked. I suffered major depression of losing my job, my place to live, and almost all my belongings. How is this provable in court? Because I intend to sue this company. Is there any cases of individuals actually winning a lawsuit against a company for all of the actions taken by companies condoning this type of harrassment?
Hey Tracey
Take a look at the articles this category
http://www.workplacebullying.org/category/courts/
and
Can I sue?
http://www.workplacebullying.org/faq.html#15
Also the Indiana Case
http://www.workplacebullying.org/targets/solution/indiana/indiana.html
Hope that Helps!
First of all, I am very sorry to anyone who has experienced the horrendousness of this type of situation. Tracy-I went through just about the same thing as you, after being at my job for a year, and was “terminated” on Monday, the 15th. It was such a blow, initiated by a former Supervisor turned Office Manager about four months ago. She was, I think jealous of me, which is total crap, because I wouldnt want her job for nothing! But she picked on and at me, talked down to me in front of other employees, (consistantly), and no matter what I did there was something wrong with it.
I am extremely bright, gregarious, positive and genuinely kind, and was constantly complimented by clients and other company personnel. On the 16th, I called the Labor Commision, and said “it’s obvious to me that in most social settings- when you stand out, with a great personality, good attitude and keen sense of detail, etc. that other people dont like it. The Labor rep said: “Of course, that makes them look bad.” What?
Ewww-it just makes me so mad! I feel just like you Tracy, and was also suspended, written up for BS situations that others were not only doing, but excelling at. I liked my job. And that boss and another coworker, both spawned, I swear-from the depths of hell-made these past few months for me a Walking On Eggshells nightmare of Epic proportions! And I too will be pursuing Legal Representation. They STOLE from me, and that was a mistake, besides, GOD sees all.
You took the words right out of my mouth. How can this be? I have a Similar situation with plenty of witnesses. How can this be? How can they get away with this and not be able to be sued? Psychologically I’m shot and it all revolves around money of course but to have my job dangled over my head, legally, “what”, I just don’t believe it.
I have just filed a complaint with HR about a female MD and my manager. I finally talked to my Director, who had already talked to the other 2 parties. He raised his voice about me not telling him when it started over six months ago. Asked who I had talked to about it. I felt like I was wrong for saying anything! I have suffered panic attacks and depression. My co workers barely talk to me..one has cautioned me about my behavior being watched and conversations I have with her carried back to my manager. She doesn’t want her name used. But the policy is written for “harrassment”. It does not mention “bullying”. It is unbearable for me ..but I don’t want to give up.I want things to change.
Theresa-
Have you documented anything? My suggestion is to recall every incident that has happened with the Antagonizers/Bullies, and write it down. Include dates, times, situations, EVERYTHING. Make a timeline of events. If you do this, at least it will show that you are consciencious of your being wronged. First of all, you are not wrong for saying something, you are RIGHT! It is the HR person who is wrong, what sort of person yells at you for telling the truth, and fighting for your rights, which-according to the Declaration of Independence states: All men are created equal, endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights-(heres the important part) that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness. That whenever any form of Goverment(work) becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Goverment, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to affect their Safety and Happiness.
God bless you Theresa, you are not alone! As for that CREEPY coworker-That is exactly what my coworker did to me. And my boss let it happen. And bullying is Harrasment, it is exactly that. And vise versa. You are, by God, right Theresa, and you go on and you fight, because it is the RIght thing to do. It takes so much courage and strengh to do that, not like the gutless wimps and cowards who sit back, watch others being wronged, and do nothing. And I commend you!
Yes, I have documented. When I spoke with my Director..My husband went with me. I quess he had thought he’d tear me up.. My husband kept quiet until then and very calmly but assertive asked a few questions of his own about the way in which I have been treated. I know it is a rocky road ahead. I have been moved to a different area to take away “some of the stress”. But, I hold my head up and go on. Thanks for your support and as you said “God see all”.
I have had over 20 years of working under the worse conditions possible. Within that time I’ve been drugged, physically assaulted, humiliated, berated, told (by HR) that the company policies designed to protect workers do not apply to me and was told by my supervisor that I had ADD. Other workers were told by management not to socialize with me, that I had mental problems, that I am trouble, not to be trusted, not smart, that I lie, cheat, steal etc. I’ve been transferred 6 times in the last 12 years (typical sign of mobbing and bullying – frequent transfers. When you get comfortable with your job and co-workers see that the rumors about you are not true and you begin a rapport with the, you’re transferred). It’s become common practice, accepted and even encouraged by management to humiliate and embarrass me in public. No one believed me so I began bringing in a recorder. Many of these events are recorded in one way or another. I’ve been to the union president who does nothing and told me that he” can’t make them treat me fair.”
In reality, I’m a very good worker and good person. I take pride in what I do. I’m a great problem solver, do a lot of volunteer work and go to church regularly. I have life-long friends who I cherish, a wonderful family, excellent credit score and attended an Ivy League school. It’s only at work do I have this problem. I’m asked often (including by my current supervisor( why do I stay? My answer: No one will force me to leave. It’s a government job that I worked so hard to get. I am close to retirement and made a vow that they will be exposed, but after years of abuse, it is affecting me physically. I have constant nightmares as I know that I’m helpless. They’re putting on the pressure even more now because I made more money than some of the top managers.
Of course you fit the profile of a target (see our description http://www.workplacebullying.org/targets/problem/who-gets-targeted.html ).
My biggest worry is that you won’t live until retirement if matters don’t stop. Years of unremitting stress causes a host of physical stress-related diseases. Those diseases kill. Read Sapolksy’s book Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers on our recommended book list http://workplacebullying.org/tools.html
Please put your health first. Who knows, by retirement time, the government might change the rules and you’d lose again.
Gary Namie
Hey Gary – you’re right. That just might happen, but if it does, they will all be exposed. I’m talking about some top local politicians who just chose to turn their backs and not see.
In today economy, I can’t leave and go somewhere else and make the same money I’m making now.
Here’s another kicker too. Surprisingly, they lost some of my pension information. If I want to get credit for the time, I have to prove that I worked. This is for a period in 1988 & 1990. I can prove I was working, but don’t have the pay checks that prove pension was taken out.
I worked overtime (7 days in a row) in April and still have not received payment. Suddenly, they don’t know how to process overtime.
There’s just a spirit in me that if I give up the fight, I give up on me. It can’t happen.
I just have started to document everything that another collegue is doing to daily bully me. The constant critisism, changing of her rules, making me look bad in frint of other peers, constant complaining of how I do my job to our supervisors and she is not even another social worker, but a nurse instead! I have been asked by our supervisors that they do not want THIS happening again. what, like I am responsible for her behavior? give me a break. I am already isolated and being told by my peers to “hang in there” they are just glad its not them. This bully already has an established pattern of bullying now how do I prove it is a pattern that management tolerates without getting fired? I fit all the traits of a target and to make it even sweeter, the bullying started happening while my father was dying and I just started this job. My director told me that I am a vicim of this person’s rage and no other social worker will work with her and the other nurses in our department do not treat her nice, so that tells me that these people are putting the responsability on me/ I am confused, this is mine to own why???? what is wrong with these people? I really like the job but will not tolerate the abuse. Any suggestions on how to keep going until I get enough to make a case without going crazy?
Thank you so much for the article. I read sad stories on this topic and wonder why aren’t people fighting back? Due to the unbearableness of bullying and the traits you wrote about from my boss, I took a medical leave and have decided to file with the Equal Employment Commission and got an attorney to help. No more bullying for me! I realize that it didn’t matter how much the cost of bullying was to the state organization I worked for, it didn’t matter, money wasn’t coming out of their pockets. They ignored several people’s plea (and my own) acting like we just have to deal with it. ‘Hope’ turned into despair for some office workers (incl myself). As my attorney stated, the people who are successful in these cases are people who have had enough and are willing to fight back! Amen, bring it on!
Sue S-
You just keep on Sue, God’s will implores you to. And believe it or not, you are not only making a difference, you already have.
Hey, God is with you, all the way, through thick and thin, and that is the sprit in you, and knows that you are right, and doing the right thing. In knowing all that you have gone through, it makes me feel bad. I cannot stand cruelty, it is disgusting and inconcievable that you have had to struggle with this for so many years. I am only 33 years old, and yet I too, (upon an epiphany just about 60 seconds ago), realize more than ever that my entire life has been a struggle of such. And you know what? It probably always will be! Because when you continue on with perserverance, not allowing yourself to be a “follower”, you will stand out. And that is threatening to those who CHOOSE to be just like rats and sheep and follow the race, and herd together, and they will herd themselves right off of a cliff because of their narrow- minded ways! And yes, Gary Namie is right, yet I know how you feel Sue, it is your sprit, it is your INTEGRITY (an attribute so rare to find), that will not allow you to stray from your principles and beliefs. That takes AMAZING amounts of courage and strength, and I also admire you! Especially in todays society, where people tend to follow the corrupt, and go with the flow, because of the *SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY of the GROUP DYNAMIC, or “group-think”. Those are the gutless wimps I was referring to. You probably, like me, stand your ground no matter what, even if many others are against you, based on an intricate system of principles. That is exactly what this shadowed world needs, and more of it! As for the people you work with and for-all you can do is pray for them, because JUDGING by their actions-they will be needing all the prayers they can get!:) You, my friend, have seen the worst-and you are a very important part of society and this world, never forget that. You are stronger than you think, stronger and braver than most, and that is what I call SUCCESS. See, money and material things blind us, and that ends up being more important than just striving to be a fine and decent, good-hearted INDUVIDUAL, who actually cares about others and would never, NEVER EVER harm someone else to get ahead. Yeah!
*I’m sure you know what the “group-dynamic” is, otherwise you are intelligent and will find out.
I, by the way, have a meeting with the Vice President of Bell-Trans, tommorow. All I can say is WOW. After going to Human Resources this past Friday, the HR director informed me of the meeting. At first it made me feel nervous, but after awhile I could’nt stop smiling! Oh, I just pray that it goes well-obviously my persistence wore resistance, and I will be back to report on the results of it. And please, have a beautiful and wonderful day-to anyone reading this.
Lisa Fiorentino
I am new here but I see you had things moving so I just hope, as this is a few days later, that thngs went well…am cheering for you!
Jackie-
Please dont despair, you are on the right path. (Like I am one to talk, for if you had seen me last week, I was about in the pits of it-despair, that is.) It’s an EASY place to go to-but as I am sure you already know, that anything worth having is worth fighting for and working HARD at to get.
I have read the bullying at work article and I just realized, that I have worked with that type of environment for the last 25 years. With the down turn of the economy, I would agree with the results of the recent study, showing an increase. I would suggest that another side also be examined within large health care orgs. The bullying is often set set into motion by executive creating unattainable performance goals, impossible to reach within the staffing levels permitted. The information I have read does not deal with the real causes, rather the many authors “keep their white gloves on” while discussing or writing about bullying. I have seen some of my colleagues ruined. What kind of person or org wants to affect another in such a manner? If you have suggestions with how to work with that, I would love to know.Thanks…Carol
We KNOW that their brain lights up when they bully! We KNOW they get some kind of hormonal rush from it – so do the onlookers! It is a huge competition to outdo each other in abusing the target. Every author seems to be addressing management’s part and not the lateral employee’s who in my case did much of the mobbing. Sorry but I have to use the term mobbing because they are a group whereas bully implies individual to me. Yes there was a bully manager presiding over all of it and some bully supervisors too. I was a federal employee. My union was part of the problem in a huge way but even the Labor Board flaked out on me. Near the end a union steward purposely slaughtered my first and only grievance and then publicized it for loud laughter on the workroom floor. Prior to that I overheard her talking about my grievance to a super who had no business knowing because he was not my super. A few minutes later I heard him talking about it to an employee whose name was put in the grievance for what reason I have no idea. Well I do have a good idea because that employee was a vicious pitbull of a gossip queen and how people tolerated her bringing up the same stuff over and over I have no clue. When I spoke to the local President I could not even get my say because she started screaming at me as soon as I introduced the topic. I can with all honesty say that I absolutely hate the union. I have had the opportunity to be in two government employee unions and they both were corrupt as anything and useless to me. They take individual dues but they don’t take individual cases unless it is for the civil rights (?) of an alchoholic or drug addict – not for normal hard workers like me. . . . no we get no representation unless we are part of a large group that will bring in huge settlement monies to the union. The union does not address lateral problems at all – they are stuck in an old vision that constantly pits employee with management and does not acknowledge the lateral co-workers doing managements’ dirty work or currying favor with management or providing entertainment for management with their mobbing. Maybe if they got current with this they wouldn’t be losing so many members. The poor economy has helped them a little bit (I check because I hate them so much) but over the long haul it won’t because no amount of pay and benefits can compensate the mobbing/bullying victim and we are many!
I work for local government, fire department to be precise. I couldn’t agree more with your perception of the union. As a matter of fact I dropped out last month and this month someone filed a complaint with frivolous and untrue allegations against me. I will not have any problem defending myself but the allegations depict me as incompetent and insolent. Two years ago I was forced to file a harassment complaint which was ultimately swept under the rug. I do not want to lose my job because there are no firefighter jobs out there especially for someone over 40. The problem is that they have no fear!
Leslie,
1. The brain effects study – pleasure from others’ pain – is described here. http://www.workplacebullying.org/2009/05/10/pleasure-from-pain/
2. Unions are an American paradox. At the national and state level, little is done to help workers. It all depends on the local. As you pointed out so well, it really depends on your steward or rep. If they don’t understand bullying (and deliberately mock it as yours did), they are the enemy. That local cannot claim to be employee advocates. The entire local is no better than its worst, laziest, unengaged steward. We work with Canadian unions, too. Funny how so many of them are different and pursue arbitration on behalf of their members. In the U.S., unions never seem to have money for arbitration or they have been compromised by “partnering” with management.
3. Mobbing is bullying. Mobbing always begins with one individual’s hatred for another who then quickly recruits allies against the target. All bullying escalates to many against one. Mobbing is the same phenomenon.
Gary Namie, WBI
Hello,
I am a shop steward for a union. I have been one for a little over a year now. My first year. I had represented someone who was a victim of workplace bullying. It was her case that had gotten me involved as a lobbyist against the practice. It amazed me how much a lot of the shop stewards were treating her as if she was the problem. The case was given to me. It was then, that I started trying to work with her as much as I could. Procedures were not followed by former stewards, and the manager got away with murder. Not including, causing her to have an emotional melt down in the office, then wanting to write her up for unprofessional conduct. It was at a meeting where, I had actually said something “positive” of the employee. The Manager turned on me like a pitbull in heat. She did not want to hear it. It was then that I started my research. I learned as much as I could about corporate policies, our CBA (collective bargaining agreement), and about workplace bullying in general. Unfortunately, I could not help her due to the fact that I got into the situation too late. However, I prevented the manager from moving on to another unsuspecting victim. I filed a grievance, and wrote specifically on it, “Workplace Bullying” The manager has mellowed out since. The best advice I can give you is when you are looking for a shop steward, not all shop stewards are evil. Make sure the shop steward knows everything they can about practices, “workplace bullying” and takes the time to investigate. I always meet with the member I plan to represent so that I have time to investigate. I know now how to detect it, and battle it. HR is irrelevant to me. I know all my resources and how to use them. Our contract is coming up next year and I”ve already lobbied by fellow shop stewards as well as, my fellow union members to fight against harrassment and workplace bullying and am urging them to put stronger language in our next contract to combat this dilemma.
Thanks Gary. All the techniques have been used on me and then some. I’ve got all the PTSD symptoms, and then some. I am now disabled and have more physical problems than any bully website has mentioned and they are definitely life threatening. I cannot emphasize too strongly that your advice is correct – get out before you lose your health!
Lastly, I am now in a very vulnerable population. My disability check amounts keep getting cut and I have found no-one who helps with this.
What is helping me….I have suggestions to those who are damaged…and on disability and unable to return to work…build your strength back up…watch some Joel Osteen shows even if you can’t donate, see if you can practice playing a musical instrument…get your mind onto creative things, use your degree to start a business, study subjects you’ve always wanted to study…it is hard to forget all the injustices…especially when there is a long string of them, but just remember how the Saints persevered being persecuted all the lives and how good they were..the mangement would like to accuse the bullied victims of being violent but actually it was the bullies who were violent as I ended up with a stress induced injury they so happily caused for me.
Carol-thank you so much, that means so much to me.:) Unfortunately, it did not work out as planned, but I am still working on it. I will get back soon-thank you!
Leslie-I would like to reply to your comments, but I have procrastinated enough today so I will be back!
Basically I have to do more research and typing and compiling information, because they are trying to refuse me unemplyoment!? Good God Man.
Does it ever end?
Lisa, Thank you for your kind words. I realize how easy it is to get physically sick over retaliation. I never, in a million years, would of realized what retaliation was and how subtle (and obvious!) it is and how it paralyzes peoples emotional, physical and mental states. I had recently contacted the past person whom my boss retaliated against and I found out that part of her settlement agreement (besides monetary) was for my boss to leave the county. So, his employer relocated him without telling his current supervisor his past. So many articles I am reading are about incompetant manager and how they are costing companies big problems and money. I think the American workforce is in for a change. Companies can’t afford these mistakes anymore.
Thank you everyone for sharing your stories. I understand what you are going through.
Sorry for what you and all of us are going through.
No Lisa, it never ends. Everything is set up to make it difficult for the potential scammer I suppose and unless there’s blood and bones exposed we will all be considered scammers until sensitivity and public education has made the awareness more and effective. It is a shame. Working together to make laws is our only option I guess.
yes it is a fact that when the mangement is the owner it is a shame there are no laws here in Nevada to help the worker the feds need to make the laws to stop this and put these people in jail then it mabee will stop u was cuss at and finley fired but it was a good thing thay lost a great employee and i get to sleep now and i will move on from all of his bullying he wont stop i here he is still doing it and i have been gone over a year so now i know it wasent just about just me i was the one that was fine and he has the issue and the other owners allow this to go on and on and on so the bottom line at bell limo thay have a mgmt issue with this guy but because he is family they the family need to stop it it is the only way
One way the victim can arm himself is by reading a psychological text on behavior modification. The victim can learn what the bully is doing and can also learn what to do to modify the bully’s behavior.
Anything that can empower a victim is a good thing.
I don’t think you can modify a bully’s behavior unless you fire them. There is a communication technique called “leveling” where you tell the bully how their actions are bothering you, in a diplomatic way…it is still risky because it may not work..furthermore, bullies are usually psychopaths who feel no remorse and have no conscience and they enjoy inflicting pain on others…How do you suppose someone could have modified Hitler’s behavior? He had so many bullies on his side, that a war had to be started to fight him. We need to share our stories so everyone knows this is going on..and take care of our health…wicked people aren’t going to change for us. We can only change ourselves, there was nothing we could do to change the psychopaths.
Just to add a point:
One of the characteristics of the behavior modification text I am reading is that the person using behavior modification is always superior to the subject.
If this discipline is to work for victims of bullying, the “inferior” person would need to translate the techniques for the use by the employee, student, child, prisoner, etc.
Yes well I was the one with the Computer Science cum laude degree while my bully supervisor either never went to college or she didn’t have a degree. She had a PMP.
So I my education and character was superior to hers, and she would belittle me on my note taking, even photocopying my notes at one point.
I told her note taking worked well for me in college, and she screamed at me “GET OVER IT!”
I just wish I had left sooner…While everyone at husband’s work was praying for his cancer surgery, and he had no sick notes sent in, my supervisor was putting me on AWOL, and demanding that I contact her directly after so many times being screamed at by her and then having to read her cold, uncaring emails…she showed more emotion about someone being late to a meeting when the person called to say they would be late, than to someone whose husband was in the hospital with cancer while the employee was also sick. The true hallmarks of a psychopath…
I don’t want to be a helpless victim anymore! I seem to attract bullies. Not constantly, but periodically throughout my life I find them attacking me. My bully at work used to be a friend, but restructuring and stress at work has turned her into a horrible, monsterous person. She is only slightly above me, holding the same position but “senior” and she is constantly on my case, making me feel incompetent and stupid. She is queen of squashing morale and building herself up. I am always worrying around her, and feel actual physical discomfort. She nauseates me… I haven’t told anyone. I feel she puts an inordinate amount of importance on everything I do, and I have to get her off my back!
First, you didn’t cause her to find you or seek you out. She initiated the search. Bullies look for people unlikely to confront them back directly and immediately. If the opportunity is passed, it’s very hard to get the claws out afterwards. You are not a flawed person. You can’t easily be taught to defend yourself. However, you could be less open, disclose less of your personal life before the other person opens up and shares hers. Adopt a new principle that others have to earn your good treatment and respect. Targets trust first, then get hurt when their assumptions about people are shattered. Flip an internal switch and hold back on the trust until the person has proven herself. Deliberately and mindfully make this your new style of operating. If a relationship is about one person controlling the other, make the controller make the first move so you can see what motivates her. Give nothing and you’ll be surprised less.
G. Namie
Another technique along the same lines is to keep the bully guessing instead of quickly making a decision. If the bully doesn’t know what you will do, she will have a harder time knowing how to control you.
I would suggest you not maintain any toxic relationships out of loneliness like I did..it really is better to be alone than with an emotionally abusive person.. I had a friend like that, only she would spread gossip, and try to dig up all my gossip, while trying to get me to spend alot of money, a recipe of trying to ruin someone emotionally and financially…Get away from these people…plenty of people can start businesses at home if they are creative and talented enough, and get yourself a pet, like a stray cat…they will never insult you like people will. our society is becoming more chaotic and people are desperate to be number one and pick on their competition and they have insecurities about being less talented than the people they bully. They have not shaken my confidence one bit, although they tried.. I have no confidence in them, but I have 100% confidence in myself that I am a GREAT person who will persevere and never behave like those psychopaths.
Thank you both for your comments/suggestions. They are very fitting to my situation! I tried being deliberately careful about what I say to the bully woman, so as not to put myself out there for her to mow me down. I’m also becoming very conscious of my feelings, and being careful not to react. I notice now that that is exactly what she does–reacts without a thought and turns everything into an angry, emotional outburst. I have to be alert and aware of my feelings at all times, so I can make an educated decision of how to respond to her.
When the energy involved in walking on eggshells is too draining, take stock of the value you derive from staying. When your health goes, it’s past time for you to go.
You’re right… Some days are better than others and I feel empowered for dealing with such an ugly person, but today I feel drained. I feel an enormous pressure in my head and I have to leave the building to get it to subside. It doesn’t help that I carpool with this women 45 min each way, and sit with her facing me every moment of my workday. I’m taking steps to find another job. :/
If I could, I’d walk into that MBBW Law Firm where my husband has worked for 13 years and give every partner and the bullying legal Administrator a piece of my mind! That bitch has only worked there for 5 years and for those five years has been a complete manipulating, lying, snide comment making, undermining, dirty kneed bitch! She has fired over 25 people and over 30 have left on their own because she drives people to leave…two have had law suites against the Firm due to the abuse they’ve endured from the hands of Ms. Bitch. I can’t stand to hear the stories of what actually goes on at my husband’s office…I mean I’m the one that’s going to sue them pretty soon, it’s effecting my life now! My husband is so tired when he gets home, he can barely function sometimes! Prior to her working there, our home life was wonderful…now I just listen to the stories and watch my husband sleep…all the time…he is depressed…and talks in his sleep, it’s like nightmares about work all the time! I hate it! I hate this bitch…Can I sue this Law Firm for ruining my life..as well as my husband’s job? This woman is a creepy, sneaky, lying, manipulator…she tries to always make herself the martyre in every situation…and they keep letting her get away with it…I know she is getting down on those dirty little knees of hers…How do you stop someone like this monster?
I really do not understand why any place of business puts up with this crap—over and over and over same story —-Law firms,accounting firms banks this business and that —WILL SOME ONE STEP UP and put and end to this.
THEY ARE DESTROYING THE BUSINESS–that is exactly what they are trying to do.They are COMMUNISTS TERRORIST PHYCO’s they are comminting PHYCOLOGICAL VIOLENCE and they should be LOCKED UP for treason anyone who has committed that much damage TREASON
If you can, you need to get out of all these bad situations..you could end up with multiple psychological and physical health problems for which there is no cure and treatment for it will make it worse.
remember this – people who bully others – ARE NOT IN SELF CONTROL. Fight back – you are a very important asset in your organization. People who lack self control – show their patterns – time and time again – just sit back. listen. and watch., and record in your journal or tape.
Also remember, targets are targets specifically because they did not fight back. It’s tough. G. Namie
If workplace bullying is not illegal there is no way to fight back…because if targets could fight back and win, don’t you think we would be doing so?
Do you expect us to bankrupt ourselves trying to win when the courts favor employers? That just makes the bullied, emotionally, physically (like in my case) and financially ruined.
Jay,
You are making sense. How do you suggest to disarm a bully?
If you live in one of the law office study states, you could work towards passing the bar exam without paying for law school, and devoting your lives to representing bullied employees…and maybe introducing legislation.
I am not in a position to do this..but that is a good career direction for some people.
Thank you for posting this article. I am going to my company’s HR department this week, and reading this helped me organize my thoughts. I have seen two people bullied out of my current department, and I’m concerned that I am the next target.
Lower your expectations before talking to HR. They are not your advocates, ally, or friend. They are a management support function. Nothing wrong with that unless you go in naively expecting help. Read our book The Bully At Work first and read everything in the Target support section of this website. Read our 2007, 2008, 2009 survey results to see how HR defends bullies at all times, unless they are non-supervisory. Or call for Coaching. Gary Namie
My boss would ALWAYS check on what I wear for work. She bends her whole body to see what my work shoes are. She makes me pull up my pants so she could see my shoes too. Worst, she touches/feels the fabric of my pants just because she thinks this is jeans that I am wearing, not slacks. Does the touching really has to be involved? She’s been doing this for like two weeks already and I feel embarrassed by her actions. Do you think it’s bullying? I do feel anxious and mad, I feel I am violated. Again, it’s like asserting her power over me. I am nobody’s slave.
Wake up girl… she’s TOUCHING you without your permission… THAT’S BORDERING OR RIDING ON SEXUAL HARRASSMENT… extreme ?? Think about how it makes you feel. You have rights. She’s nasty.
A manager or fellow employee cannot touch you in an innappropriate way period! Let her know, if she touches you again. You will be calling the police. The manager getting arrested, the higher ups will have to listen.
I really enjoyed the article. After being bullied at work, I was curious to research the topic. My bullying was done by co-workers who actually liked me, but took teasing to another level. They seemed to enjoy being critical. They would take something I said in a casual conversation and find something in it to berate me about. Over and over. I tried brushing it off, but by the end of the week, I felt worn and beaten down and sometimes I cried on the way home. This problem makes you feel very vulnerable, and more distrusting, isolated and depressed. I was finally fed up and got very stern with them, and they seemed shocked. I hope it helps.
Patty,
I have had similar situations occur with friends who take joking to another level. I consider joking around with friends healthy and fun, but there is a big difference between being laughed at and laughing with friends. I am currently taking assertiveness training and it explains how to keep situations like this from occurring. I’ve also weeded out some of the people I am friends with because all they do is make fun of me and I don’t need friends like that. Good luck!
I’ve seen several articles on workplace mobbing. Authors differentiate the phenomenon from bullying by emphasizing abuse by a group. I don’t see mobbing on the Workplace Bullying Institute website. Does WBI recognize mobbing as something different?
Mobbing is the European term. Coined by Konrad Lorenz, adopted by Heinz Leymann (the father of the international movement — see some of his work posted in our Research section). Leymann wanted to distinguish the adult version of bullying from bullying experienced in childhood. Workplace bullying was the term coined by British Andrea Adams shortly after Leymann’s work in Sweden.
From our perspective, they are identical. Bullying begins with personalized hatred and loathing by one individual who quickly (and sometimes simultaneously so as to be imperceptible) enlists the aid of others in the campaign of interpersonal destruction. Unchecked bullying evolves into the entire organization siding with the perpetrators against the target. That’s why when the person eventually complains, he or she sounds paranoid that so many are involved. Mobbing purists (like our friend Ken Westhues) believe that bullying is simply one-on-one. It is not, the phenomena are one and the same, differing by geographical origin. The EU uses mobbing. The UK, Australia, Canada and the US use bullying.
G. Namie, WBI
I’m currently unemployed and recovering from a job that left the wind knocked out of me. I really feel like I’ve been punched and the sting won’t go away.
I worked for a couple of insecure bosses. They wanted desperately to be loved and admired by their employees so they made all kinds of grand gestures, all while harping on them until they all felt completely worthless at their jobs. They were routinely firing people and telling everyone else that they could be replaced!
I knew something was wrong but I had needed the job so badly that I tried to take it in stride. However, I made the mistake of standing up for myself ONCE and what followed were months of snide (extremely rude) comments, constant criticisms (nothing was good enough,) nasty looks, letting me ‘overhear’ conversations where I’m getting torn down, etc. New employees were warned not to socialize with me and current employees were effing rude to me. Finally I was getting berated for something I had done wrong. I’d followed instructions but they’d decided that this was the reason they’d fire me. I broke down in tears and ran into the parking lot, where I called my husband and begged him not to make me go back. When I did get it together I went back in and they fired me. I’m sure they had wanted to fire me for something devastating but I thing the crying jag made them feel bad (remember, they believe that they’re wonderful people and their employees love them (they don’t, they were despised like I’d never seen anyone despised)) so they made up some lame reason for letting me go: I was bad at communicating.
My confidence is in the dumpster at the moment but about a month after the incident I could really tell that I was getting better. My sense of humor and creativity returned, and I feel interested in the things I love to do again. I can only hope that what happened to me doesn’t affect me at my next job.
Andie… one thing I’ve found in my researching all day (at work & home… 8am to now 925pm) — the bullying is done by people who feel the ‘target’ is their competition, someone who exemplifies what they want to be and so they feel threatened because they lack the confidence and belief in themselves to dare to believe they even have anything in them similar to what they see. Don’t let what defines you come from outside of you… what defines you is inside of you. Hold your head up & shake ‘them’ of the soles of your shoes where they are to be kept underfoot.
I am a female in construction. Currently working on a DOE jobsite. We have a Foreman and General Foreman that are bullies. Tonight they fired a man that has been a target of theirs. Several of us know that they were bulling him and we wonder who will be next. The new employees are so blind to it that we are shocked. What can we do. The employee that was fired was one that tried to stop their bulling. So far he is the only one that stood up to them. I am intimated by all the constant yelling the GF and Foreman inflict upon us. Any suggestions?
I’m 34 yr old man, bullied by a 50 year old man. I have the dignity to stand up to this man’s rude comments, and the sense to involve my manager – but it only makes things worse.
It’s like static electricity when we’re in the same office. He’s getting more and more angry every time I stand up to him, and more and more manipulative with my words and our arguments. I brought in a 3rd person for our last conversation – you should have seen his face … and shaking hands.
His reputation for poor behavior is well known and his HR list of employees he’s had trouble with is a 1.5 pages long. I’m on his radar lately. He’s not the first to be jealous of my skills at the job. I just hope he’s the last.
It’s entirely unprofessional to be working for a company with employees like this. I’ve got bills to pay, so I’ll keep taking my licks. I’m glad I was born strong enough to put up with this nonsense.
NEVER SUBMIT TO PEOPLE WHO DISRESPECT YOU!
I’m 30 and I am in the same boat.
I keep standing up for myself which leads to worse treatment.
I tried just going with the flow, being super nice. That doesn’t work either.
If their brains light up when they torment it won’t end.
He single-handedly destroyed my confidence and self-esteem and I no longer had good days or laughed. I finally went to a theapist to figure out why I was in a funk–I really thought it was my fault.
I finally had a breakthrough and decided, time to go. It’s a relief. I have a few licks left and quite possibly my first ever bad review. But with the market finally showing signs of life I hope to be gone in 6 months or less.
Then he will have a new victim.
Matt, I commend your strength. But even you, being human and the fact that the stress response eventually takes its toll, will reach your limit. Closely monitor your blood pressure. Have regular check-ups and keep an eye out for an escape avenue no matter how dismal is this job market. Not worth dying for. ….. and tell HR that they should be embarrassed to keep such a long list of victims that they have failed to support! GN
Take care of your health first. I know it’s hard to leave those great paying jobs. I left a federal law enforcement agency after 29 years because the bullying was so severe. Retaliation and jealousy came from the top. They did everything they could to discredit me. The bullying came from the top and HR just stood by and did nothing to help me. My health failed. It has been 2 years and I am still a wreck emotionally. They took much from me that can never be replaced. Legal representation was too costly. Govt’s legal staff could drag case out for years. I walked out on medical leave and never went back. I was threatened on the job, at the hospital where I was seeking treatment and at my own home. They were ruthless. In the end, they were promoted for their efforts. I would be interested in hearing from federal employees who may have experienced the same. All I know is your health is too important to take the chance…I was advised that if I tried to “stick it out”, they may carry me out with a heart attack or stroke. It just wasn’t worth the risk.
Thank you for the informative article. This provides me with clarification on how I am being treated at work. I work for the owner of a small company the owner is constantly belittling me in front of others, yelling at me for minute things, constantly tells me that I don’t listen and excludes me from social activities and never introduces me to visitors that come to the office. He constantly praises the efforts of the male workers in the office and singles me out. After a year of enduring this behavior, I am beginning to feel worthless and not good enough. I believe that he enjoys treating me this way. I know that he will never change and have given myself 6 more months to leave.
I’m employed by a well known media outlet here in Springfield IL. I am and continue to experience workplace bulling. The Big problem is that even though it is a well-known company I cannot complain about the abuse that is occurring without fear of retaliation or even being fired. I have been going to a psychiatrist to help with my Bi-polar disorder and it works as far as it can. But even my psychiatrist told me during my last session that my manager and her actions are 90% of my stress level and it is very unhealthy. I NEED HELP! I am one of 4 Black people who work for this station and out of the four is female. I have more interaction with everyone as do the other 3 males but I don’t know what they experience cause they are with a totally different department with their own guidelines.
I’ve been following my guideline to a T since the day I was hired and I have received nothing but negativity from my manager. She does everything that the Bill is supposed to prevent and the business I work for really would not want to be the face of a HJR40 lawsuit/investigation. But I don’t know any other road to begin to take. If I talk with HR w/o an attorney I face a strong chance of Dismissal even though I have done nothing wrong and only been given Rave reviews from various departments. So somebody please help me. I’m in Illinois
Drive up to Chicago on Dec. 9, participate in the Town Hall, meet the Illinois State Coordinators working for legislation. Also, since you happen to be Black, you can always threaten litigation, file a formal complaint with HR (the only time we suggest that this be done), and if they fire you, you have even more clout. Also visit the local EEOC office. GN
I have just read this article for information and support. Am going through an extremely draining experience of bullying at work involving my own boss, her team leader and a client. The reason? I blew the whistle on Health & Safety complaints that were repeatedly raised but ignored since 2006. The shock horror is to realise how despite all company information and reassurance against bullying, HR and the CEO have tightened ranks to ‘squeeze me dry’. I am fighting back with every drop of gray matter and nerve I have. The greatest disappointment was from my own colleagues who, despite voicing their support, were reluctant to provide additional evidence for fear of losing their jobs. I also found anti-bullying trusts / organisations are scared of taking on the ‘big boys’ (I work for a large international investment bank). When you laugh, the whole world laughs with you. When you fight bullies, you are alone.
Marco, You captured nearly every facet of bullying. The employer’s defense of the cruelty, the price paid by honest ethical folks, and abandonment by co-workers. GN
I worked for social services in southern california as an Employment Eligibility Specialist. My 14 month old grand son was diagnosed with brain cancer. I informed my Supervisor “Mr. D” as well as the district Managers of this.
Once things got down to the last days for this baby. I had to take off work in order to deal with my son and daughter in law. I had time on “the books” so there was not problem. Once the baby was stable I called Mr. D told him the baby was stable and I would fly in the next day for work.
A few days later I was called into his office and asked why my caseload was so messy. (I was gone for three weeks) according to the by laws of my union it should have been covered.
To shorten a long story, I informed my supervisor that the doctor had told us we only had a few weeks before the child would die. This nasty man smiled and sait “I thought he was stable”
When the baby finally passed away, My doctor took me off work for a month. when I returned to work nothing was done to any of my cases, monthly reports were piled up and needed to be processed. I worked to clear the mess and start collections for overpayments in cash and food stamps.
I was called into his office and with a smile he asked me what I intended to do with all the errors in my case load? I started crying and left his office.
A day or two later I couldn’t get out of my car and go into the building instead I was taken by ambulance to the hospital. With a panic attack.
The harassment continued to the point I could not function at work. All this time I thought it was because of the death of my grandchild. I have been in therapy for 7 years now and had to retire early due to the effects this monster has left me with. It has only been in the past month or so that I finally figured out it was the bullying in the work place that caused my problems.
I was a top worker, trained new employees, had a specialized caseload. Now I have had to retire early in order to control the panic attacks but I still have to take medication.
Because of this nasty man I have lost almost everything. I don’t know where to turn from here. I don’t even know if I can file a lawsuit or if it’s even worth the trouble.
I’m afraid to even look for a job. Yep my life really sucks. Any advise out there for me?
Helen,
When the pain and injustice are so great, considering a lawsuit has to be secondary. Get well first. Check the statute of limitations. Most lawsuits must be filed within 180 days of the most recent incident. Otherwise, forget it. Justice will most likely come from “outing” the so-called social service agency who doesn’t give a damn about your personal loss OR the many cases that were allowed to lapse (abdication of the mission of the agency) simply to set you up to appear to be a failure!! GN
I think that you are worrying far too much about this man: you are clearly in the right. All employees have something called ‘bereavement leave’, it’s a statutory entitlement. There’s nothing to worry about.
I wish I would have known about this type of abuse in the workplace. I was kind of taken back that people in a service type industry would act in ways that were intimidating and disrespectful. I had an employer give me one job description when I went to an interview and then when I came for orientation I was given a different job description. (That was the old one). Oh and by the way the old company has been bought out by a new one-) I did not know that this was happening. I had already left my previous job. I thought well I am excited about the working with the elderly and did my best. I was humiliated by the administrator when I went to the morning meeting because I was two minutes late (I was staffing the floor-there were call offs that morning). He definitely did not treat other management like this. When I was pressured to reprimand staff and write them up and then followed through I was later told that by the administrator’s supervisor that they would just initial the write up which indicated that they did not really approve it since it might need to be worked out with the union rep. I knew that this was a losing cause and needed to leave the job. The elderly were not receiving proper care consistently and the staff (supported by the union had the support not to do a better job or at least made it extremely difficult to say anything) while the middle management were held responsible by the administration, family members and the guidelines of the facility. It was a nightmare because not only was I attempting to fill out the lengthy obligations outlined in my job description but ended up doing other peoples’ job (by the way expected to). It was very abusive environment. We had one union rep who would go up and down the hallways of the floor and purposely linger around where I was to see what I was doing and then I would happen to see him many times down where my previous administrator was talking. I was actually hired to make cultural change but had my hands tied and meanwhile family complaints increased, residents seemed neglected and serious questions as to whether staff were ensuring proper hydration and nutrition for the residents there. All to be done in 40 hrs. no more than that. That’s all we got paid for and if we went over the time (we clocked in and out) then we would be chastised in the morning meetings and yet why didn’t you get your work done. As a result many of those in charge of certain departments would run down and punch out and return right back to work.
LL
I myself have been bullied many times at my job by a particular group. I work in a very small office with about 5 people. It has gotten so bad, that when an opportunity to transfer came up I took it, although I will be driving about 35 miles a day to work instead of 6 miles, I had to get out of here. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I have been yelled at, humiliated, isolated, belittled, ganged up on, etc. It is even more frustrating because management knows this is going on and has done nothing to make the situation better. I have given my 2 week notice, and then I go to my new office, and I am counting the days.
I worked for a company that ruled with an iron fist, military-style, and they felt that this style had always worked for them in the past. Unfortunately, what they did not understand (or maybe they did) was that this style bred a very severe bullying style of management. All of the employees working there were abused daily, and just accepted it. It was very difficult to watch. Management “types” screaming at their employees, while other employees just cowered and walked away in the opposite direction, not wanting to get involved. If you stood up for yourself, or another employee, you were now the target. They were, and still are as a matter of fact, ruthless. And the sad part about this company is that they are well respected in the community. Their website is quick to point out about their large donations to charity, or their lack of employee turnover,(sic) or their long length of time in operation, etc. etc. People in the community believe what they read in most cases. When in reality, if you work there, you are living in an emotional hell every day, and even when you get home at night. Nobody talks about it. While I worked there, I did notice that many of these employees were illiterate, had severe drinking problems, and totally avoided talking about or discussing anything ‘company-related’ on the job. Just put in your hours and go home. I guess this is how they chose to deal with a bully employer.
In my case, I chose to leave their employ. Best move I ever made. I realized only months later the negative effect that working in a bully workplace had on me. I considered myself very lucky that this employer had not made me very ill, both physically and mentally.
My advice? If you are seeing any bullying symptoms in your workplace ….. go and get another job, even if work is scarce. You’ll be thankful that you did down the road. And if you are the bully employer reading this, then I’d have to say ‘straighten the hell out’.
Good for you for getting out. Notice how from the other side you could appreciate how toxic the place was. Glad you are well and employed again.
Not exactly, Doctor. Seems this employer has now blackballed me, and I have not found work since I left their employ 16 months ago. I have recently found out how much pull these bullies actually do have. If they want to ruin your life, they will do it. And it seems that it is exactly what they are doing now. Of course, there is no way to find out how, why, and when they are doing it, but funnily enough, this is the first time in my life that not a single company I’ve applied to has called me with even an offer of an interview. It certainly makes it very easy to understand how or why an ex-employee could go ‘postal’ on one of these former employers. And they would have absolutely nobody to blame but themselves, Doctor.
Thank goodness most people have a strong sense of control, and would never attempt such a foolhardy move, but again, not everybody can remain so calm as to not lash out in some form. That being said, this workplace bullying could easily branch out into some severe workplace violence if left unattended, and allowed to fester. It is up to everybody to stand up and be heard when these workplace incidents are being observed. And Govt.’s must enact and enforce rules against this type of company behavior, and the sooner the better.
I am in middle of an EEOC investigation. It’s been approx 10 months so far and looks like it will be far longer. My employer, government agency, is stonewalling me. Trying to force me to quit or breakdown. I am seeking professional and legal help. I just need to see this through. Is there any suggestions, anyone might have, to make this a stronger case? I have psychologist help of the toll it is taking on me but is there any other outside assistance I can utilize to make my employer alarmed and case stronger? My employer is trying to derail this case through time and I am trying to hang in there. I have been through a living hell.
Gary, Just bought your book! I read reviews and it sounds helpful. Thanks!
I am writing to the blog to relate a serious incident of bullying that I experienced while a student at University.
I was subjected to repeated sexual harassment and unpleasantness from staff members of the American Studies and English departments. The main ring leader was a respect female member of staff. Despite having occurred some years ago 1992- 1993 I am still suffering trauma and upset through this unresolved matter, and have never received any apology regarding the conduct of the key members of staff involved.
The tutors’ attacks took the form of belittling sexual remarks, and fostered such a degree of hostility that had no benefit, and a detrimental effect on study. The staff members named sought to turn any comments made during tutorial lessons into an opportunity to make disparaging and unpleasant comments about my sexuality. The ringleader worked back to back with other female tutors, and provoked an insidious campaign of homophobic remarks.
Beginning in one tutorial lesson (Feb 1992), her confidante referred to me as a ‘nonce’ in front of a whole classroom of students. When I attempted to stick up for myself, the bullying increased.
A male colleague of the ringleader used the word ‘homosexual’ in answer to a simple query I made in one of his lessons about sexuality, in a hostile manner. I feel that the pejorative sense of the word was used. The majority of verbal contact I had with him in his tutorials was characterised by shouting.
During my final autumn term of 1992 I had taken part in the Fresher’s mart and had been a member of the University Gay and Lesbian society. This had included personal safety alarms for women. Our aim was to foster an enlightened attitude towards gay people. Part of my reason for exposing my own sexuality was in response to dealing with the initial contempt and ridicule I had faced from some of the more insensitive undergraduates of the University. Unfortunately, the efforts to help students dealing with gay feelings were then effectively destroyed by the actions of the members of staff.
The main tutor’s initial comments about me included that I ‘lacked confidence’ and that I ‘mumbled’ when I talk. During the same autumn term of 1992 to 1993 she attended a tutorial with part of her breasts exposed to students. She arranged for me to do a presentation for her Specialist subject, supplying key books, and handed me a tape with song titles where she had scribbled the words ‘John are you getting married?’ at the bottom of the list.
On giving the oral presentation she twisted a comment I made into a joke about small male private parts, with the aim of making me look silly in front of a whole classroom of students.
When, two weeks later, I apologised due to an absence caused by having to attend a family funeral, she remarked if it was an ‘important uncle’ who had died.
On entering her house where she had invited students for food, she waited until everybody had sat down and proceeded to launch into a series of nasty verbal attacks, designed to humiliate me in front of other students.
On talking about a famous star, Michael Jackson, whom I had specifically mentioned in a previous tutorial, she remarked:
‘Man that can’t make it with a woman.’
She then made further comments about male to male sexual activities:
‘Men masturbating men.’ “AIDS”
I feel that these were extremely unpleasant comments, and I had done nothing to deserve this hostility. During exactly this same period I had been a student on the psychoanalytic theory and film and feminism course hosted by a respected female lecturer. We had been led to believe that there would be intelligent discussion about such matters, but these were then effectively eradicated by the main tutor’s confidante. On discussing the subject of gay people, the lecturer retorted with a one word comment, ‘Cruising’ with reference to a film, which has very unpleasant connotations.
By the beginning of the following year 1993, the main tutor in question had elicited the help of another male colleague who called me a ‘wimp’ in front of a whole classroom of students. She later ran in front of me, and smiled wordlessly as she headed into the ladies toilet.
I feel that the lecturers in question were playing psychological rape games, and were indulging in immature behaviour. Her vindictive treatment has had a bad affect on my well being, made worse in that the complaints procedure only allowed three months for a complaint to be lodged.
As a gay student at University I had to deal with unpleasant bullying from members of the student population, but never imagined that respected members of staff could also be responsible for such abusive and damaging behaviour. Their actions make it impossible for a student, dealing with either physical or psychological bullying, to feel safe in lodging a complaint. On the two occasions I had lodged this complaint I have received nothing by the way of apology.
John Elliott
It’s been almost one year since I was accused of “threatening Violence In The Workplace”, which resulted in my immediate termination. I will try making this short as possible. Employed in the health field as a Certified Nurses Aide.
I was a definite victim of being Bullied! My shift was 7:00pm – 7:00am I was working with an agency LVN. As always, I introduced myself to her at the beginning of shift. The response I received was anything but polite because it was as if I wasn’t there.
Overlooked the incident and continued with my assigned duties. When I approached Nurse(no name)approximately 30 min later. Asked assistance with a patient who was heavy total care. Nurse? Declined her assistance.
As I was gathering linens before bathing the patient, another nurse entered the linen room. I should’ve kept my mouth shut but instead,…….mentioned to her Nurse? Was unwilling to help me any of her patients. It was only 10 minutes later Nurse? Approached me in the staff lounge, got in my face and proceeded to scream in my face. My response was “I am sorry” and left it at that.(Began documenting times, etc) Went on to do my duties, bathing a patient (with the help of patients daughter)until I was rudely interrupted by Nurse? She began ranting and raving about how I was going to kill the patient. By lowering her head at 35 degrees while the tube feeding was in process. Being very experienced with patients having peg tubes, I was humiliated and insulted. She accused me of being incompetent before leaving the room. After finishing my duties, washed my hands before leaving patients room. It was then I noticed the patients “MAR” records sitting on a shelf in the patients bathroom. Saying nothing, I took it with me before leaving the room. At the nurses station, Nurse? Was laughing and talking to the charge nurse (which I learned later they were the best of friends). Noticing me, she stormed over to where I was standing (once again got in my face) demanding I not enter any her patients rooms the remainder of the shift. Noting it was still early in the shift, I was shocked! It’s my duty to see all patients are repositioned during the 12 hr shift. In addition to oral and peri care. I asked her who would care for her patients, her response was “I will” I knew she would not assume my duties. As I stood in disbelief, Nurse? Told me I could report her to the PCM Patient Care Manager if I’d like. Making it a point not to misspell her last name. I asked “May I see your name tag” (making sure I didn’t misspell it)and reached for it. Before I could read the name tag Nurse? Slapped my hand so hard leaving a bruise. During this time, while all is taking place. The charge nurse was sitting in plain view and ear shot to everything. (There were no other witnesses to the previous event). To say the least I didn’t know what to expect next. Asking the charge nurse for a break, went to my truck, sat down and began writing an incident report. Documenting in detail. After my break, I returned to my floor, resumed my duties caring for the other nurses patients.
Needless to say, I only entered the nurses station to complete duties required paperwork.
The following day, I called the PCM, reported the incident to her. Her response was “I’m taking you off the schedule until a full investigation is completed” It was 3 days later I received a phone call from the PCM asking me to report to her office. Upon reporting to the PCM’s office, I was informed she’d conducted a thorough investigation, interviewed the witnesses. Was asked to sign a slip of paper stating I was being terminated for “Threatening Violence In The Workplace” Refusing to sign, I asked what violence had I done? Nurse? Was bullying me all night.
Now, almost a year later…..I suffer from depression, feelings of inadequacy. I cry a lot, and no longer care to socialize with friends I’ve known in my nursing career. Have not sought employment elsewhere, plus was denied unemployment. PLEASE HELP ME
Vivian No.48
From what I have read, they have no legal right to accuse somebody of such violence if it hasn’t happened. They can not claim to mount an investigation if you were not present at it, and were involved. You should vigorously deny all accusations, and at the very least present a written formal case of the events, and present this evidence to the PCM without delay. Ask how they were able to make such claims, and explain your side of events: surely this is a basic right.
I work at a very prestigious law firm in NYC
my problems began back in 2007 in with a shift
supervisor who jostled me. Im the one thats always picked up even when its not my fault its my fault .{Please pardon any typos}.I experience
the symtons refer to in here .I get the churning stomach with the vomitting feeling I could feel it al the way up my throat..I take sleeping pills and carry tranquilizers with me.Here are my symtoms Anger,Stomach pains ,vomitting burning feeling in stomach like my stomach is on fire depresion crying I am a 50 yr old male.My boss runs a clique if your not part of his clique your not part of the team he lets his clique do whatever they want some of us are not allowed to eat in the dept.But his clique is. His clique was reasonly caught drinking in the dept.but no one was terminated.There are another 3 of us who are not happy in the dept.When we took notes we were told by the lady who runs HR not to take notes.I have ben Threatend twice even by a new employee.I even try calling lawyers here in NYC and no one wanst the case.My coat dispappered from the back of my chair in my dept back in 9/09 to this day is under investigation.Not too long ago my boss accused me of losing an original {I work in the duplicating dept} however I got the original from
a computer storage drive when we put the disc in the pcs in the back only one pdf would show when we put the dsc in the computer in the front two pdf’s would show. So I show this to this miscreant of a boss the problem this guy goes and deletes the 2nd pdf which is bleak on his screen anyway and accuses me of losing the original ..My job is a duplicating operator alot of the times the people that I work with are fresh out of college and have never held a job before in their life..When these paralegals write
instructions they are poor at it but yet they have a bachelors degree????? In the morning its very slow in my dept when work comes in im the ver 1st one assign work while his clique just hangs out. I can be doing something like making pads and the shift supervisor will stop me from doing what im doing and have me do something else as well..Last week3/15/09 They were about 10 iron mmmountain boxes coming in each box weight approximately between 10 and 20 lbs this woman would even grab one she ahd the guys do it when it comes to the work place I only see workers and not gender.The the other peope, in there are talking baout their relative sin jail I find this scary and thsi conversation should never take place in the work place..Another instance I remeber about last summer in my office In befriended an outside vendor one of my co-workers didnt like it he told me tell your friend not to
llok at me “Im form the hood I”ll pop him one.
I hav e4 yrs worth of notes I can go on forever
I have requeted to be terminated.Theres also rascism
This website is very therapeutic. I put up with a bully boss for almost 2 years. She terrorized me and others in the department. I did not want to leave my job, but was eventually fired.
After me and several of my co workers and others within the organization went to HR and beyond, we were assigned to a new boss. The new boss is a sleazebag lawyer who pretended to be our “friend” and advocate. I was the first to “get my punishment” by this woman who was no more than a spy for the VP. The VP had already told one person who went to HR that we were all making her life/career very difficult. So my dismissal for something I did not do was payback, and she proceeded to chase out everyone in the department so she could rebuild it. I got the axe the day before her friend from her old employment was coming to work in the department.
I worked in Healthcare and am also going to school full time like Serita.
I believe we should all take our examples public. Massachusetts just held people responsible for bullying a teenager that eventually killed herself. I cannot tell you how much my situation affected my life. I have been working 35 years and never experienced anything like this. It made me so sick, and I have yet to recover emotionally.
I wish someone would write a book on behalf of all of us and tell the story so employers will not look the other way. My employer allowed this to go on for years and I did not know my predecessor had a nervous breakdown because of my previous boss. Instead of firing her they sent her to management training so she could keep hurting others.
Unless this workplace bullying issue is brought to the public’s attention people will continue being harmed. Employers have a right to protect employees, not worry about their bottom line. This is no different than why OSHA came to be.
In the realm of healthcare, The Joint Commission issued an alert in 2008 that was supposed to bring bullying in healthcare to the front, but from what I hear and have experienced nothing much has changed.
Maybe workers need an organization similar to the tea party. To be against bullying and other acts of violence in the workplace whether it is covert or overt behavior. That is really how the unions got started before it became a ground for corruption too.
I work in a local government. An “attorney” was hired who took over the management of our department. I was her friend, helped her get oriented to her job, as Office Manager. She turned on me and now I am dismissed. I have read some material on serial bullies and she is one of them. This is very challenging. The level I have to go to for my appeal is her supervisor and one of the supporters of her actions. She fits the profile of a serial bully and I have little support from others, what they call “compassion fatigue.” Still, I will not give up. From what I have read on this site, I have gained strength. There is nothing in our policies that protect us from bullies. Still, it is something that has happened to others in the workplace. I have been faced with this since my former boss, an attorney, hired his cohabitant in the workplace. She had been bullying me through him and I didn’t know what it was until this one came. I was demoted, given menial tasks, etc. and I am 1 paper short of my masters degree in administrative studies. For example, make a list of the files in these cabinets and turn it in at 12:00 and 5:00 every day. I am learning a lot but nobody else knows. They are too busy, BUT I think she will be out soon. Others in the community are catching on to her. Yay! Meanwhile, I have to look for some work while my appeal is going thru the process. She has already put her “toady” in my place, something which is usually not done until an appeal is final. This is to give me the message that I am not going to succeed. That may be, if she gets her way, but we’ll see. Thx for the opportunity to vent.
Yes, I think this situation in MA will help with people understand bullying more. These ‘mean girls’ seem to get into management when they get older!
Gary’s book is great for understanding what is happening in the work place. I related to most every word – including the phase section.
The one thing I would emphasize that Gary does also is DO NOT TRUST HR. They are protecting their own. This is what my attorney agrees to also. If you have a problem, consult legal immediately. I know you have to inform HR of the situation but get an attorney first to know the process. I trusted a major government institution at first, administration and HR, giving them the benefit of the doubt. This has never happened to me before. This was the biggest eye opener that I have had. HR can not help you since that implies that the organization is guilty. I believe this is more pronounced in government institutions.
Still waiting to hear from EEOC. I am seeing two medical professionals a week due to the stress it is causing. However, somewhere, I still know what i am doing is on target. Maybe this case in MA will make administration and the workplace more aware of the effects of bullying and harrassment. What a low level of consciousness. I am sorry and deeply moved by everyone’s situation.
Yepe! Only one week left for me at my dysfunctional job. I was a target for over a year by a serial bully and I will be #4 to leave in this very same department. Suffered crying spells, depression, anxiety, broke out in hives, sick to my stomach, colds and flu and my husband told me if I didn’t leave, he would go and empty my desk for me. I was blessed to find a job the same week he told me this and when I have notice, the stress just lifted like nothing else. I wish I just had the courage to do this before I allow them to hurt me to the point of physical illness. Surround yourself with people who care and love you. The bully is currently looking for another target and the other employees are receiving the extra workload from my desk. What goes around comes around. They messed with Texas!
Bullying happens all over the world. I’m in Australia – working in local government – which seems to be a bit of a theme here. I’m currently on leave due to the insane levels of anxiety and depression that I’m suffering at the moment.
My bullying has been going on for 18 months, initially from one person, but it has since spread to some of her more junior team members and her (and my) boss. It’s become so bad that I don’t sleep, get such hideous headaches that I’ve ended up with a codeine dependency, am sick to my stomach often, have panic attacks on the way to work, can’t concentrate, find it really difficult to actually do my job and I’m probably a nightmare to live with for my young family. I’ve lost all my confidence and have contemplated suicide several times. It’s just so difficult to deal with. I used to think I was good at what I did.
I’ve recently taken action against the organisation which is a really scary thing to do. But people both inside the organisation and externally have started letting me know they’re “proud” of what I’m doing and how desperately action needs to be taken.
The downside, is I’m ashamed to be ‘on leave’ as it makes me look like I’m trying to rip the organisation off and that’s just not me at all. I’m embarrassed at what as a 40yr old (previously exec level) woman, I’ve turned into. It’s totally pathetic.
It’s my intention to fight the good fight (legally)- so that i’m the last person this woman bullies. I just hope that I’m not too weak to see it through to the end.
I thought it was just me. I thought it was actually something I did or was doing at work. I kept asking my friends at work if they could see the same personal flaws that my boss kept telling me that I had. I have never been so depressed and unmotivated in my life. I am surprised that I could feel as poorly as I do because I’ve been through a great deal in my life.
I’d never actually do it but I have thought of how a person who has not been through all of my experiences might consider suicide and I’m actually wondering not IF but WHEN one of my co-workers might slip.
It’s an absolute shame that there isn’t a law to forbid “Bullying” behavior. I get through each day with the help of God, my family and my friends.
Best of luck to all out there suffering from this bullying.
I was subjected to bullying at a health care facility in MD, which is the largest in the state in the specialty of mental health. Yes, indeed, this place had a policy not tolerating the behavior, but no mechanism with which to make it functional. The only specification was reporting incidences to your supervisor or the supervisor’s supervisor. But what happens when those two individuals are the tormentors and they retaliate with each complaint of bullying? In my case, I was fired because I would not listen to it anymore. And now they have told the State to deny me unemployment because I committed gross misconduct–slander, IMHO. Yes, there is a lawyer because of my protected status in assisting a co-worker, who was also being tormented, with an EEOC complaint, and I fall into the age discrimination category. The lesson is that even when accrediting bodies, professional associations, and government oversight prohibit the behaviors, unless upper level administration changes the bullying culture, vulnerable employees will be affected and their companies will lose valuable employees, creativity, productivity and respect. If you happen to be an affected employee in a health care setting, remember that there may be codes of ethics written into state laws and that is an area where there is also room for litigation.
I knew I couldn’t be the only one! Now, at least, I have a name for what I experienced – I too worked for a government agency. My boss called me a name publicly and when I reported it, I was told that ” he probably didn’t mean it” He promised to behave but I was excluded from important meetings pertaining to my work, and important information needed to do my work correctly. Then after only a few months on the job, he walks into my office and tells me ” You are outta here.” Why, I ask? Because I made a mistake, he explains. When I challenge the alleged mistake, he tells me he doesn’t even have to have a reason anyway because I am at will. I appealed to a supervisor above him, who advised me that because of my at will status, the supervisor could do whatever he chose to and to simply leave with dignity. So he raped me of my employment, stole my reputation, and gagged my voice with absence. There was no appeal process, no evaluations or feedback, no way to defend my performance, no way to discuss his allegations, no way to counter the narratives he contrived in my absence. I was psychologically violated and dismissed in the most disrespectful, condescending, and demeaning manner he could find.
I am not a violent person and do not personally condone violence for retaliation, but now when I read about people who exhibit violent conduct in the workplace as retaliation for wrongful terminations or bullying, I find myself silently cheering them on. I can understand their frustration and their pain. Employees deserve due process and the civil right to be heard. Is it time consuming? Perhaps, but it at least gives employers the ability to pause and consider the impact of their actions. However, when employers turn a deaf ear to the unfair treatment of people, some people simply refuse to be ignored. Their anger and resentment festers. And sometimes eventually erupts into disruptive and/or fatal consequences for the organization’s employees.
I’ve endured much bullying. I’m a very hard worker and get a lot done. I’m also very observest of what’s going on around me. Two females in positions bully me. One man at the same level bullied me all the time. Now, I’ve been demoted. My work was excellent so this makes no sense. There may be a sexual discrimination thing going on. One of the two women supervisors called me a “tattletale” becaused I exposed some unethical behavior going on.She screamed at me that “I don’t like tattletales!!” Different rules are made for me that others don’t have to follow. If you don’t believe me, it doesn’t surprise me because this is illogical. I’ve only told a little bit of the terror I’ve gone through.
[...] I was reading a great article where workplace bullying is called what it is – psychological violence. There are some parts of the article which rang true for me and brought back some bad memories. If you’re experiencing hell with a bully go to this place: Workplace Bullying Institute Site [...]
■Spreading malicious rumors, gossip, or innuendo that is not true
■Excluding or isolating someone socially
■Intimidating a person
■Undermining or deliberately impeding a person’s work
■Physically abusing or threatening abuse
■Removing areas of responsibilities without cause
■Constantly changing work guidelines
■Establishing impossible deadlines that will set up the individual to fail
■Withholding necessary information or purposefully giving the wrong information
■Making jokes that are ‘obviously offensive’ by spoken word or e-mail
■Intruding on a person’s privacy by pestering, spying or stalking
■Assigning unreasonable duties or workload which are unfavorable to one person (in a way that creates unnecessary pressure)
■Under work – creating a feeling of uselessness
■Yelling or using profanity
■Criticizing a person persistently or constantly
■Belittling a person’s opinions
■Unwarranted (or undeserved) punishment
■Blocking applications for training, leave or promotion
■Tampering with a person’s personal belongings or work equipment.
Every single point you raised here was done to me for the last 8 years that I worked for Creative Press.
Thanks for being one of the survivor’s that can continue to help other’s who are facing similar challenges. Just knowing that other’s have gone through and knowing how they dealt with it does help give us hope.
My name is Jose.I am a mailman;26yrs as a mailman and 5 yrs as a clerk.I have Multiple sclerosis;severe uncontrolled hypertension;chronic severe depression.Because of the bullying;harrassment;threats with removal from the post office; mockery and having to deal with violence in the workplace that i no longer have any self esteem nor value for my life;had a heart attack in 2006. Management has spreaded rumors that i am a liar and that there is nothing wrong with me. That the problem is that i want to do things my way. They will still not believe me that i have Multiple Sclerosis and that this is a real disability. They ignored and disregard my doctor’s warnings that i am to avoid all unneccessary stress because of my blood pressure and previous heart attack. Almost daily they single me out to harrass me Knowing that doing so places my life in jeopardy. I have a wife and a 10 year old boy. I also have a 32 old son;a 29yr.daughter;3 grandughters and another one coming. Because of my family i literally have to force myself to come to work. As soon as i get to work my blood pressure, with medication, gets out of contro. I have been rendered a useless human being,feigning a smile, that for over 10 years i have not done my taxes;that we are getting evicted because i have to take off work to stay alive. The gas;telephone;lights are all in the process of disconnection. They have no idea,management, what they have done to me with their harrassment;bullying;threats…i have filed several e.e.o.c. complaints to get them to stop and what has happened is that it got worst. I’ve been given a letter or warning for walking away from a hostile work environment; i’ve been screamed;yelled at for coming back to work to notify them that i was not feeling good. When the post office talks about downsizing they do literally mean it; they want to downsize 6 ft. under the ground. Carrier’s have died in the post office because they were not allowed to leave and seek help. People just don’t know the atrocities that take place in the post office,perhaps not all stations,because the newsmedia is really not allowed to expose the corruption there. They protect themselves by allowing the news to see only what they want to show.I believe we are not allowed to talk to the newsmedia. I was so thankful that the laws,rehabilitation act of 1973 been amended. I am trying advocate for postal employee’s with disabilities to be treated in a humane and dignified manner. We are not robots. We do have feelings and emotions.No one should have such authority to degrade;humilliate another human being robbing them of their dignity and self-worth as a human being.On march 23,2010 i had an appointment to see my neurologist. They told me NO,NO,NO and for me to go and deliver the mail. That was my last straw. I walked out and told them to fire me if they wanted to but that i was going to see the neurologist. My older brother has been bed ridden for over 30 years because of M.S. Is it legal to denied me the right to seek medical treatment? I wasn’t asking to go to a baseball game but to go my neurologist to get daily injections to prevent my M.S, from progressing. Just having to get up and face such hostility that i do go to work with a lot of fear;stress and very angry at myself for having put up with it for so long. On march 23rd when e.e.o.c.mediator talked to the supervisor she lied to him in order to hide the real reason for their harrassment.I do not know if i will survive this ordeal i am going through with the post office(management)but i would like for someone in my family to follow through with my e.e.o.c.complaint i filed.I believe that management has to be held accountable for their actions and for the actions of their supervisor’s. How is it that we can empeach the president of the U.S.A.and we can emprison gobernors and other elected officials that we cannot hold those working for the post office ,management,accountable?
Dear Mr. Steve Oppermann, WBI and affiliates,
I am from a South Asian country, a professional woman, serving as Faculty member in a management Institution.
This is the first time that I surfed, accidentally at first and then with active interest,the website on workplace bullying.For over 25 years, that is, ever since I joined this organisation, I have gone , repeatedly,through 18 of the 19 bullying tectics you mentined (and much much more including a number of fraudulent disciplinary actions and punitive measures including capital punishment). All through my professional life I have been fighting back on my own (and subjected to further torture for daring to fight back), everytime standing victorious on my own grave, dug deeper by the day. When I joined here in late 1985, I came with credit and was a most performing Faculty. Now, at this tail end of my career with barely four and a half years to go, I am at the last stage of the impacts you listed, and at a point of no return.
I wish I had known about your (and such other) good efforts much earlier when it mattered, and wish I had the guts to speek up and seek help at least two decades earlier.
Thanks, and wish you every success in your good efforts. I hope no one would have to ever visit the experiences I had to go through, and the younger generation will be spared the pain.
Thanks, and best regards.
JD
I have been having this problem at work for 4 months now. I work with 4 women and im the only single mother out of the group. I recently started dating a cousin of one of the women and now all hell has broke loose. They are all telling this person what an awful person, mother and employee I am. They constantly facebook and write rude comments about me..they dont say my name but Im not stupid I know who they are meaning. They laugh all day long and make sure the door is closed if im in the office so i dont hear them. Im depressed, cant sleep, im anxious when i go to work, the other day the tormenting got so bad that i wanted to hurt myself. I have been there 6 years and dont want to leave….but its looking like i have no choice. i love my patients. why are people so mean to me..i didnt do anything wrong…please help
I took the bully down. It finally happened. He was demoted. How did I do it? Lots of documentation, constant exposure, prayer.
Several things I learned: a – no one is your friend at work, you are alone on this. b- take federal medical leave while going through this. c- seek legal help. d- hr is not your friend! Even though they may act it, they are just trying to get dirt on you to fire or derail you.
Is it worth it in the end? Yes, however I never want to go through this again. In the end, it is an awesome sense of empowerment. You stood up for what was right. I was the only person in the office who stood up to the bully. The rest of the office sided with the bully. No faith in God, in his protection and mercy, even though most were religious people.
However, it does take a toll on you. Even tho the bully is gone, I am pretty much wiped out and don’t want to be there. You still have to work with a crew who you lost all respect for. The one person who stood behind me was a quiet unassuming secretary. The big brazen ‘talkers’ and ‘walkers’ were most afraid. It is an ‘awakening experience’.
The office is much more relaxed and happier tho. It changed significantly with the bully gone.
On February 24th 2010 I resigned my job at an engineering firm in the New Orleans area due to retaliation from a bullying boss.
I have it all documented in my blog (except names and business names) NO one should have to deal with the BS I was put through with that company. I was denied unemployment so I appealed. The judge that head my case said I was “supersensitive” and denied my claims. I have appealed a second time due to the judge not looking at the “sum” of all the retaliation and the negligence of management and human resources for not doing the “prudent” thing. In my Loss Prevention Classes in college you learned CYA, in Nursing studies… document everything… from my experience thus far with management and the judicial system in Louisiana… corruption and/or incompetence seems to be the norm in this State.
It’s not just Louisiana.