July 14th, 2009
Bullying on the Today Show
View the workplace bullying segment that aired on Tues. July 14 here. Colleen Robinson is the Illinois State Co-Coordinator for the WBI-Legislative Campaign.
View the segment:
Warning: advice from the in-studio Career Expert does not reflect the reality of bullied targets, the voluminous research, or advice that we at WBI give.
Listen to Podcast 5: Beware Bad Advice for a different perspective.
Tags: NBC, Today Show
This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 14th, 2009 at 8:18 am and is filed under Bullying in the News, Events. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
I couldn’t believe what was reported. You could have been talking about me! Everthing from stealing ideas, sabotaging my work, and feeling depressed fit me. My supervisor is a woman. I have tried talking to management. She has been given the freedom to continue her behavior, and for me to “just deal with it!” Needless to say I plan on leaving within the next 4 weeks.
I am truly not surprised. We have one woman who is a supervisor on our work place. The woman has been there for 4 years and still nothing has been done about her. Finally, yesterday I decided to take it upon myself along with a work colleague to defend the workers ourselves who were being bullied. We went to the Administrator and pushed all the complaints through and stated that if something wasn’t done about it we would have a petition created and signed by every person in the workplace. Not one person is against the idea and not one person is fond of this woman.
I was bullied at work by my male boss that resulted in my leaving a job I loved. Your piece on the Today show struck a chord because I was getting physically ill by the time I left and recognized I needed to get out of a toxic environment before I became too sick to work. Upper management would not help – it was the ‘good ole boy network’ at its finest so I left and 3 months later I am still disappointed by the entire experience.
I thought the so called “Expert” on the Today Show was way off base! I work in a very bullying environment and it is the competent people who threated the “Lazy” work culture that get bullied the most.
They need to get a REAL expert!!
We were the experts on film, but Nicole is on-call for the network. Sorry about that. It was not a decision we could make. TV is TV.
I agree. This so-called expert is half-right. And all those hand gestures undermine what she is saying. If you cannot speak without this amount of hand use, stay off the TV.
We tell all bullied people to put their health first. The damage comes on slowly. And folks think they can simply will away stress. Wrong! Glad you found out in time.
G. Namie
Bullying, manipulation and oppression (just to name a few toxic management strategies) are behaviors that are detrimental to the work place.
Ignoring these problems or leaving them up to a targeted person are ineffective and the bad boys in management will never learn to behave in a constructive way.
We should begin to spotlight the troublemakers and hope they will shrink away in embarrassment.
Would love to name bullies. We thought of this back when we started in 97-98 but were warned by legal experts that the bully enjoys more free speech rights than we would. Naming private individuals could bring vindictive lawsuits.
An alternative is to spread general anti-bullying letters. General letters will keep the victim out of legal trouble. General letters insinuate the problem rather than confront it.
Eventually management will figure out what you are insinuating and seek to resolve the problem by helping you.
If they attack you or ignore you, you should increase your campaign to a more public venue. Eventually that will stop the harassment.
I have worked at a bank for almost 20 yrs. I now have a supervisor that has been there for 6 years. She bullies me and the rest of the tellers. She gets away with it because she has a medical condition and also has a lot of pull where it counts. So I have to deal with it because I have all these years invested and I don’t care to learn a new job at my age. Our day is determined by the mood she is in. I have days where I cannot funtion at all but I have no choice but to carry on.
I was bullied out of a job I loved. I am still processing what happened to me and find it very difficult to deal with. I was so depressed I stopped eating and cried constantly. I felt demoralized and useless. I left my job and haven’t returned to the field yet. I could not believe that a woman could be capable of dishing out such hurtful and degrading remarks in front of my co-workers and students that most days I walked around in utter shock from what was happening. Yet once I realized that she did not want me working with her any longer I was a standing target and received daily arrows of hatred right through my heart!
Mary,
We appreciate your eloquence: daily arrows of hatred right through my heart.
Gary Namie
I am currently experiencing this on my job. My boss is a man of a different culture and he doesn’t treat women equally. Needless to say any competition from another women he feels threatened and uses the power upper mgmt gives him to demean, demoralize, degrade, talk down to, humiliate, question one’s integrity etc… it is really not a good environment to work in. I have brought it to the bosses attention and to date he has done NOTHING. The big bosses consider it complaining or whining. I was so proud of myself for finally standing up for myself. Looking for another job but with the recession it hasn’t been easy. What happened to Equal Employment Opportunities for all???
Gary, I agree with your assessment of the so-called in-studio workplace expert. She essentially insulted millions of people who have been targets of workplace bullies. Calling the targets “weak” shows her complete ignorance of the subject.
Thanks again for continuing to be that voice for civility in the workplace.
Do you think the tide is turning in the favor of good, upstanding employees and leaders who treat others with trust and respect?
No tide turning yet. The smugness of Goldman Sachs and AIG still paying out bonuses on the heels of such recent public shaming is proof that respect is still an aspiration, a goal (and for some, just a dream.)
G. Namie
All the above point are 1000% valid – this woman as a so called ‘expert’ obviously has no idea of what she’s talking about. And it’s a complete insult to millons of people whose heath has been SERIOUSLY compromised, some cases temporarily, but in many permanently. I a minority of case –> suicide.
She failed to draw the distinction between serious bullying. For context, we’ve all read stories where a ‘hockey dad’ explodes in anger and either punches out another Dad or even kills him. Or explodes in anger at his own child.
Well, picture this scenario: You have a boss who’s been put there by his boss(s – yes) because they haven’t met their business plan and simply want to reduce costs and get these people (good or bad) to transfer to another part of the organization.
Then, and as happened to me, I chose to do exactly what she said by “standing up to the this pit bull’. This after year 1 of regular and ongoing hockey dad like assaults behind closed doors by the immediate bully. I showed no fear, spoke rationally, and as every new accusation was made up, countered it with logic that simply and easily proved him wrong. To go above his head would have been career suicide.
From that end of year 1 meeting, being in a job where there was considerable interaction with his bosses and above, they were predictably incensed at my answer to his suggestion that “maybe I should consider looking for another job in the Bank”. Ass it happens, every career has performance highs and lows, and in this year I was ranked by the measurable performance standards as being in 1st place vs my peers. My co-workers (and other people in my organization) got along great. In fact, they were all terrified and about half either quit or transferred. In any event, the co-workers openly discussed this man and rallied together.
The bosses right up to the President were so arrogant and upset that i would dare to not be intimidated, a campaign from all the higher levels of a full psychological artillery barrage came down on me. Undermining and embarrassment, isolation and not acknowledging me. Even the clients saw this and expressed their concern and outrage over these people. Who did they think they are?
At the end of the day, I had physically lost 30 lbs from 150, suffered all the hallmarks of complex PTSD (distinguished from PTSD as being ongoing vs trauma suffered as a result of a single incident). Had I gone to HR (who mean well), as they report back to mgmt who then make the ultimate decision, this would have played right into their hands.
I had 6 years invested in building a commercial banking business, network, contacts, etc, and in year 2 was promoted up to the highest level in commercial account management. The next two years I had two bosses who were both more than anyone could reasonably expect from a boss – gracious and supportive – despite middle of the pack results.
So by year 6, for all intents and purposes I physically and emotionally collapsed after various methodologies used to undermine, sabotage, demean, embarrass, humiliate, and intimidate me.
Having never received a performance review less than competent (in fact – rated excellent and high potential on more than 1 occasion) I had over 25 years invested. What to do?
Well, my body decided for me and as described above and I went on short term disability for the 1st time in my life. Typically I never even used all my holiday allotment.
And now, 5 years later still suffering and completely unemployed, it seems the justice system will not be an effective answer: so – this means other more imaginative solutions are required.
These large organizations are literally full of these power abusing so called ‘leaders’ who have knowingly virtually destroyed our economy. Such arrogance and outright cult like psychopathy and one that’s ingrained into the culture. I’d love to debate the ‘expert’ !!
My boss is a tyrant and a bully of Epic Proportions, who also happens to be the owner and president of the company. His standard m.o. is to humiliate, degrade, demoralize and embarrass everyone in the office, including the VP of Operations and all of the other directors there (including me). He is also guilty of the worst kind of sexual harassment (including emailing sexually-explicit jokes, videos and photos) and uses the f-word in front of everyone, including complete strangers visiting the office. Obviously it would be pointless take this to HR since he owns the company. Even if he were just a supervisor, though, there would be no recourse with HR because our HR director is too busy sending out racist, sexist, totally inappropriate emails and videos and sexually harassing the male staff members in our office.
Needless to say, we are knee-deep in bullying like spoiled molasses, and there’s no place to hide.
The Illinois Task Force on Workplace Bullying has been approved. There will a series of Town Hall meetings where folks like you can come testify. It is imperative that the lawmakers (who will the members of the Task Force) hear horrific stories from real people. The disbelievers now hold sway over the politicians. Only you can convince them otherwise.
Watch this website and the new WBI-LC website for announcements.
Gary Namie
[...] NBC’s Today Show Examines Workplace Bullying Yesterday’s NBC Today Show did a nice segment on workplace bullying. Here’s the link, via the Workplace Bullying Institute website: http://www.workplacebullying.org/2009/07/14/today/. [...]
This situation is ludicrous. Something tells me Obama would be the first to agree. It’s important to distinguish between severe bullying (the pit bull type – lose his temper in your face angry hockey dad personality vs day to day demanding bosses , make the odd error, be frustrated and once or twice take their anger out on somebody nearby. This vs the serial severe bully who systemically targets several mature career workers with decades of accumulated skills and accolades to get sick, move to a sideways or lesser job, and/or forever live in fear at work and/ or even kill themselves as they see their lives ruined – both health and financial. I may have some ideas and am working on them.
I was bullied by the Sage Group in the UK, over a long period, before being fired.
I am still, nearly a decade later on anti-depressants and high blood pressure tablets.
I was fired at christmas (whilst on holiday!) shortly after telling a director I would not call him a man unless he stopped the bullying in the department.
My manager just was not interested in talking to me about the issue, until after I was fired, then he asked if my team leader was ‘alright’
The woman from human resources told me I would never work again, and also that I was ill before I started working at sage, which my doctor thought really odd, as I wasnt, and she is not qualified as a doctor anyway, she works in HR, plus she didnt know me before sage.
Even looking at the company website, which is full of how great the staff are treated etc makes me feel sick.
No justice was ever gained, not one penny of compensation, no news of bullying policies being implemented, the solution just seemed to be to get rid of the victim.
Workplace bullying can leave an individual permanently disabled. Where there is a threat to an individual or members of their family, he or she feels trapped in work & isolated, workplace bullying sets up the ideal conditions for trauma, and if that remans unrecognised Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
The individual may have no option but to return to the toxic work environment after a severe bullying episode has left him (or her) traumatised. He is blamed for whatever went wrong even though the incident may have been deliberately devised by a bully manager. This may have happened because the bully is not particularly competent at their work and feels threatened by the superior competence of their subordinate, so they target him. He is given no option but to work even harder and attempt to redeem himself.
Nobody can run a marathon at a sprinter’s pace & eventually the stress begins to show in reduced work performance. Nonetheless, extra demands continue to be piled upon the indiviual and maybe the HR department is called in by the bully boss to monitor his reducing performance. Work demands are set & missed giving the bully ever greater opportunity to blaim their failings on the target and ever greater instances of why the individual should be sacked. Meantime the bully is praised for their management & apparent compassion in “helping” their target. Ultimately the targeted individual is dismissed, unable to continue working. Meantime, the bully is promoted.
You’d think the target’s problems would end there. They don’t.
I’ve already mentioned the target was traumatised by the bully’s initial behaviour. this has never been recognised or dealt with. Trauma reduces the individual’s ability to function. It is as though there is an immovable memory right in the brain’s center of consciousness. Most times the individual can work around this, but the slightest similarity of cirumstance will touch on the traumatic memory & cause it to be “re-triggered” in the person. Each & every time the target feels himself failing at work or an issue is made about his poor performance, the traumatic memory is re-activated. Thus every incident at work after the original harm becomes a sequent injury. And you can be sure that the process of constructive dismissal contains plenty!
Therefore, the unrecognised trauma to the worker becomes a series of trauma. The latter incidents would not have been traumatic in themselves but for the re-ignition of the original traumatic injury to the brain as a result of repeated similar incidents.
The result is complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in the by now ex-employee. Now he is unable to function in any workplace. Like an animal injured in a fight, he has no option but to walk off & die, the living picking ground for any vulture that chooses to prey upon him.
My source? Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Done the study.
What is a “career expert” anyhow? I tried to go on the Today Show website to make a comment and could not find the segment. Anyhow, I cannot believe an “expert” would put the responsibility on the back of the target. No wonder managers appease it. Good job(sarcasm). Yes, one should try to stick up for him- or herself, but that is advice to help the person. Make no mistake, however, that a target should not be blamed because they did not try! Your job at work is to DO you work, not worry about defense tactics against a tyrant. The tyrant should be reported and given a warning. If that fails, the tyrant should be fired or sued. No one should be submitted to emotional VIOLENCE in the workplace. That is why we need a law to protect the target. Not one word was said to give employers advice on how to stop these monsters in the workplace. Thumbs down to the today show for thanking her and not questioning her advice, but thumbs up for giving attention to the problem. Also, you’d think with 54 million affected, it would be easy to find on the site, or on the front page.
For what it’s worth, I’d like to thank all those who have commented above. They are all high quality remarks and it takes a target or currently trapped employee to really understand what the other one is going through.
I’d especially like to thank Jerry and Ken who made excellent quality remarks after reading my own story. I VERY much appreciate your candor.
We know who the authentic people are and I encourage anyone else here to speak up. It often seems like it’s only these bullying sites and people like the Namies who really ‘get it’.
Thanks guys (and gals for comments above – best wishes to all of you for the future).
We have a woman in HR that sabotages the staffs’ work, and bullies almost all the staff in front of others. No one has respect for her and despite numerous of us speaking with upper management, she continues on this path of degrading the staff, and disrespecting some supervisors. Her appearance is even tasteless to say the least. It’s either leave my job or deal with it, and in today’s crisis in the economy, we must deal with it, and try to avoid this person, by all means including, not eating in the lunchroom, avoid being in the same room as hers as offices, restrooms and elevators. Besides wishing she’d just “go away”, we are all faced with this dilemma.
I have been bullied more than once. Each time the trauma is worse and longer than the time before. Each time I get bullied, my panic attacks are worse than the time before that. Funny, but I have panic attacks only in the workplace. I am considered disabled (depression) which is unrelated to any workplace situations. However, it has made me more vulnerable to bullies and since my first bullying incident I have developed a sleep disorder, panic disorder, and PTSD. I recently filed a human rights complaint in my state against my last employer due to bullying and their refusal to accommodate my reasonable accommodation request and lost! I had asked to be transferred out of a “team” in which my bully resided (another woman) and for which there were four open positions. This was refused. They then laid me off with three other co-workers in January 2008 citing “economical reasons.” That’s plain bull, they only used the layoffs as an excuse to get rid of those they considered trouble. The human rights investigator agreed, then the board that reviews those decisions agreed, and that was the end of that! The reason stated was that because they were able to show the layoffs were for economic reasons they did not find any discrimination! It’s frustrating to think that an entity that is supposed to guard against discrimination is only propogating it. However, I am hopeful that if more people speak out about, laws will change for the better and bullying will no longer be tolerated in the workplace. I have only done freelance work since that time and can’t make a living. I’m trying to find another full-time job but have to be extremely careful of the environment I will be working in. By the way, I am a paralegal with 20 years experience and it is mostly the lawyers I have found to be bullies in my work environment.
Interesting that the denial of a transfer is common. If they hate you so much, why not let you go? Instead, it reveals a sadistic bent to their tactics. Like a cat keeping the mouse wounded but not killing it off. The ultimate control — to keep you in harm’s way.
Gary Namie
Thanks for your comments rob.
Its still a issue deeply rooted in my mind, even after all these years, and by the looks of it will be until the day I die..
I was so ill after being fired that I was unable to handle sorting out a employment tribunal, I left it in the hands of a union to organise, but they messed up and missed the deadline.
Sadly at a pre-hearing to see if the deadline could be extended it was decided it could not be, and the person in charge even made a horrendous comment – when informed by my solicitor that I was suffering from mental health problems and would find the answering of questions/remembering of exact dates etc difficult the ‘chair’ or ‘judge’ or whatever he is called in a employment tribunal actually said
“I dont care about the state of your clients mental health”
Hung out to dry by Sage, messed up by the Union, and no justice at all at tribunal.
Years on the sick, my mind still unable to recover fully, I now find that even the state benefits people like me are entitled to may be stopped as the UK is trying to kick as many people of incapacity benefit as possible, especially it seems those with mental health issues. The rational behind it seems to be work is good for you..
But it was the workplace that made me seriously ill in the first place….
I dread to think what could happen to my health if they kick me of incapacity, then force me into a job, and the bullying starts again…..
ps – I hope more people can post their stories, and also if possible name the companies (I understand many cant as they may have had to sign gagging orders, I didnt so that leaves me in the clear) but for those that can name & shame, please do so.
Companies will never change if they keep getting away with it, and the worst that happens to them is they pay out a small compensation amount and then any public complaints are not targetted at them, but some unnamed company, so they dont worry about doing it over and over….
Bullying is a growing problem, it should be completely illegal, as it literally can ruin peoples lives.
I am happy that this appears in the news from time to time even though they may not get it quite right.
It is not always the management that is doing the bullying but if the management allows the bully co-worker to get away with it without repercussions then they are just as guilty.
When the bullied are told not to take everything so personally, even when this bully perpretrates the same against many people,your experience and feelings are never legitimized and you once again feel victimized.
Hooray for getting the spotlight on this problem until the ignorant recognize this behavior for what it truly is.
I thought the segment was informative and true. I needed this piece to give me the tools I need to take action.
I personally feel bullied by two people I work with. When I tried to address this with my boss and HR, I was told that I take things too personal. Yet, I dread going into work for fear of what will happen today. I am depressed, anxious, can’t sleep or eat and feeling hopeless about the whole situation. Maybe, I can seek some counsel for myself and things can get better for me. One of my bullies is in line to become the new boss at the end of the year.
I have been employed at a not-for-profit for the last five years. Unfortunately, I worked for a female bully, who held the PHR designation. The Society of Human Resource Managers should be so proud. She and the human resource manager, would “team up” to bully me. It amazes me that no one escapes a bully. Everyone is affected by the bully whether or not they are the target. Many of my co-workers were becoming cold and heartless. One would laugh anytime I would be hurt on the job or if I had to walk to another building to delivery the day’s monies to Accounting in the rain. I was fortunate enough to find another position far from my bully. I am glad that Workplace Bullying is finally getting some national attention. Attention either good or bad is still attention. In my home state, Illinois, the IL Dept of Human Services is supposed to be starting a bullying study. I am ready to expose my bully. Even my last day on the job, my bullying boss made quite a point of informing me she had spoken several times to my new employer. She just wanted to get her last jab in as a threat for the road. Now I am free. Thank you Dr. Namie for the work that you do.
SHRM vehemently opposes the federal paid sick leave bill (HR 2640). See HR’s anti-employee work featured in
http://www.workplacebullying.org/2009/06/10/healthyfamiliesact/
Ken (and others), sorry for delay in responding – there were good reasons
Ken, I understand your predicament all too well. The justice system itself and there are some politicians who have literally sabotaged implementing anti-bullying legislation. Have you heard of Joanne Gualtieri’s story? Her story, the 17 years wasted, and the process that followed in quite simply unacceptable.
Gary: It’s my suggestion we need focus on the extreme serial bully stories, behaviors, injuries, suicides, in order to have the most impact. I know for myself, that 58 minute roundtable discussion/ video was the most effective vehicle I’ve seen to date. I’m wondering if we might make another one? I have some ideas around this which I’d like to share with you first.
But here is the link to the Gualtieri story: just watch the 12 minute video and explore Mrs Gualtieri’s story – it’s absolutely outrageous and has to be stopped.
Video (first on page):
I want to applaud all who have posted their remarks simply to bring this to the attention of many people who need to speak up. I want to bring to light a somewhat different situation which I cannot find anywhere and would appreciate comments on my issue. I am a manager and have been managing for 10 years with success. I have been acclaimed for be fair, compassionate and transparent. I have seen many of my staff flourish even when I provided difficult constructive feedback.
Now I am managing a department of individuals who have been difficult with any manager they have had in past. My boss is well aware of these individuals and the tactics they use. I have told they have been spoiled,do not like change and used to getting their own way. The past 4 managers who have managed these people have been accused of either favoritism or bullying or incompetence. Each time they have banded together, made allegations and ultimately have accomplished having these managers removed from their job.
Now I have been accused of bullying. I have been suspended with pay during the investigation which I am not hopeful. I have no way of defending myself against people who have done this before. One would think that I am being bullied by my staff. I was trying to bring about fair practise for all employees who have brought to my attention they wanted this in the workplace. Sometimes that means changes that not all employees like. I am a professional individual who values integrity foremost. I am direct with my staff in addressing issues to provide a roadmap to better the department – but now I am accused of bullying. My guess – it has come from on of my Team Leaders who has not been performing lately and made mistakes that I needed to bring to her attention. coincidentally she is not well respected by her team and frequently gossips about how horrible everyone is.
How does a boss protect themselves against these allegations when the perception is the bullying typically comes from the boss. Any thoughts or comments? I am being questioned tomorrow but have little hope that I will be reinstated to my job.
Adele,
Don’t give up and don’t give in to your fears. You have to fight this and the first is by filing a complaint with EEO. Get the ball rolling as there is a pattern of abuse by these employees that is documented. You need to have someone go over those records and talk to the former bosses. I am a victim of a mob mentality because I chose not to go with the group and disregard my supervisor. I was subjected to actions of physical and mental threats including but not limiting to threatening my job. I complained but management’s response was I needed to learn how to deal with the conflict.
I was terminated for my complaints and suffer from anxiety, which was diagnosed while employed with this employer. After my termination, while speaking with a psychologist, I was diagnosed with PTSD. I understand now what PTSD is all about. I have the “flashbacks” or thoughts about what happened but as time goes by, my reaction is less anxious than the first year after my termination. Even through all this turmoil, I still have my inner strength that keeps me from throwing in the towel. I remind myself that I am the only one who has the courage to stand up to the powers that be and find a way to be heard. Otherwise the abuse will continue.
Adele,
I hope things went better than anticipated; I am just now reading your post. I have been in your shoes, and the only thing I know to protect yourself is to document all of your interactions with employees and supervisors/management. I have also suffered bullying from my managers. My bullying by an employee was similar to yours. I came onboard with the intention of improving morale, teamwork, and productivity. There were severe problems and disfunction on the staff due to a bully and years of dysfunctional patterns that had been established by all staff. I was well informed of the problems and was hired in part because my track record of supervision and management indicated I could improve the situation.
When the bully accused me- according to HR it had to be dealt with as a unique incident, because bringing up the clear pattern over the bully’s decades long career with every supervisor, in varied jobs/situations would be considered ‘retaliation’. From day one on the job, I carefully documented of all of my interactions with all of my employees and management (not only the bully). I was told my documentation made the case strong by demonstrating in real time the fact that any interactions were motivated only by valid business/management concerns, and I never once behaved unprofessionally- no matter how intensely the bully attempted to provoke an emotional response. Ultimately, the case was ’settled’. I subsequently found that my organization attempts to settle 100% of cases.
Now that I have been through this (and other difficult tasks with this staff) my management is looking to eliminate our department- which would be frowned upon politically. I am now being bullied by my management. This is not the first time for me- but it is important to read the statistics on here that upwards of 70% of targets who attempt to deal with the situation, end up out of their job for one reason or another. It is patently unfair- but the answer is, you DO have control of your life, EVERYDAY. Do what feels comfortable to address the problem- not because it is your fault, but because it is your job, and you need to do that so you can look yourself in the mirror and answer the question, “…gosh, so what did you do?”. This does not mean to climb Mt. Everest, do what is reasonable in your situation, with your unique dynamics and resources. If that doesn’t work, focus on what you can do for your self… you is all you have control over anyway. Start looking for a new job. It won’t happen fast enough- but feel good that everyday, you are doing what you can and taking control of what you can. That’s because- you are the grown-up here. Keep doing your best and know that you are working to change your situation either by landing a new position, or taking a class to help you land a new position. I know this is easier to say than do… believe me, I’ve been applying for jobs while keeping a smile on as best I can for nearly a year now, but despite the high of several interviews including one that included an all expense paid trip… no new job yet. Make sure you have a friend, counselor, or a couple who are NOT related to work at all who you can enlist to hear your work stories and frustrations and help you keep the perspective of the ‘grown-up’ and maintain separation from the behavior (meaning- the bully is a jerk, and that’s all there is to it). You will need to deal with some of the attacks unfortunately just to protect yourself. But you REALLY don’t need to deal with all or even most of them. Simplicity is best, and contrary to every fiber of your being once attacked… you do NOT have to respond immediately. Go home, talk to your designated counselor or friend, your mentors, maybe a lawyer if you feel the need, and get some feedback. Really discern if the latest attack is really a threat, if so how so, and is it worth clarifying to maintain an aspect of your job that has tangible value: pay, recorded evaluations related to pay, reputation. Remember that even if the answer is yes to any of that, it doesn’t mean it’s worth adding fuel to the bully’s bonfire. Bully’s always win battles- so it’s not about winning. It’s about being the grown-up, controlling your own life, and protecting only what is vital to your getting on (out) with your life. YOUR LIFE.
I cried as I watched the segment on NBC, because it made me feel that I wasn’t alone in the nightmare that I suffered. However, the perspectives and advice from the on-call guest was not accurate. My experiences are identical to those decribed on WBI site. Her definitions of workplace bullying were not accurate.
I recently had to leave a job that I loved due to worplace bullying. Unfortunately for me my supervisor is also the Manager of Human Resources and Administration. My story is a little bit different – but the same as the other people who are noted above. It began immediately. However, since I had never experienced this in my more than 25 year career, I didn’t know what it was called. I had issue with one of my colleagues because I found out that and this was the word in the office, if you didn’t get along with her, she would go to HR Manager and try her best to have you fired. It may case it was difficult because my work performance had always been exceptional and the Partners I worked for believed it me. However, I starting seeing a pattern, being passed over for promotions or preferred work assignments, being sabotaged by the Team Leader on Projects I wanted to work on, oscracized from the Administrative Team. On a number of occasions assistants were out, and I was not made aware of it – also was the case with lunches or evening events. Constanting watched and picked apart, stating that I was texting at my desk, away from my desk – while everyone knew I was getting married – a very happy time in my life and my daughter was having twins – another wonderful occasion.
Once I went to the Partner who my boss reported to regarding being out of the office and possibly working from home and when I asked her if I could take over a position in the company that was open since it paid over $10,000 more than I made, I wasn’t given the opportunity. I was told that it wouldn’t be a good fit.
However, a Client Services Manager went out on maternity leave and the assistant who was hired to work for the job mentioned above (Executive Assistant to the Managing Director of Corporate Education)… I was asked to cover for Two Partners and the Managing Director of Corporate Education with no additional compensation (for a period of over four months).
I brought my concerns to the Partner that I worked for and had a couple of meetings with him and the Manager of Human Resources. However, the bottom line was he heard my concerns, but felt that the relationship was very fractured and he proceeded to ask me what I wanted to do. This was April of this year.
I went into the Manager of Human Resources Department and said instead of putting this alleged disciplinary document in my folder – which I believe was detrieved as a vendetta and not constructive criticism… I would leave the company could I not meet all of the necessary obligations.
My concerns was after such a stellar career, I didn’t want my reputation jeopardized or future employees misinformed about my performance.
She agreed and then retracted when I decided to leave the company in June of this year after realizing I really was no longer happy. My health was so up and down (headache, nausea, vertigo – anxiety acts).
What can I do? I live in Massachusetts?
Bullying is a conditioned behavior; not intentional but through the reaction of people that deal with the bully.
The 2 most likely reactions to bullying are rebellion and appeasement. Oddly rebellion can re-inforce bullying unless the rebellion is continued until the bullying stops. If the rebel caves in at some point, he has only managed to intensify the bullying with his half-hearted rebellion.
Appeasement is the bully’s reward. If a person gives the bully what the bully wants, he reinforces a bully’s behavior.
Subtle rewards and punishments might eventually diminish and even extinguish the anti-social behavior but the effort has to be consistent and continous. In other words everyone would need to be involved and no one could appease the bully.
Still, I suspect that even a small amount of conditioning stimuli could be used to improve an unbearable situation if the target was schooled in behavior modification.
Interesting application of behavior mod, but don’t count on an emotionally-clouded, under-assault bullied targets to do it. They are scrambling to survive. And no victim should be held responsible for stopping their assailant. If they could have, they would have. Rather, we have always said that do-nothing witnesses are surrendering their power to shape and control the bully’s behavior. Because of their numbers, if they seized the moment to show disdain and deliberately connect their ostracism and disapproval of the bully to the conduct they witnessed (and explicitly said so in some rare cases), the power of social influence would affect the bully in the future. The bully seeks approval, which in the sick twisted scenario of bullying is showing fear, and when it is not given, the wheels of the bully’s pretense of power fall off. Social psychology proves time and again how vulnerable we all are to the confirming and disconfirming social cues elicited by others to define our reality. Only the psychopaths among us would not yield to the power of the group. Unfortunately, half of all bullying goes on behind closed doors and targets do not eagerly tell their co-workers what happened out of shame. So, witnesses — indirect or direct, but knowing all the same — are allowed to duck their responsibility to help a fellow human being.
G. Namie
Perhaps behavior modification has its limitations but outside observers could apply the techniques to begin the process.
Social cues from outsiders could provide the stimuli that helps the bully get over his affliction.
The authors of the text I am reading have not yet warned of negative consequences from reactions of the target behaviorist. Perhaps they will later in their text but I doubt that they will conclued that behavior modification should not be used.
i must respond to this as a current victim of office bullying. i am in ca, so there is some legal recourse, not necessarily for the ‘bullying’ itself, but document the damage to your health with your physician and or therapist. in my case, my employer’s blatant disregard for employment law in general, i believe is what will sink the titanic in my particular experience. my employer denied fmla/cfra/disability benefits, screamed at and belittled by supervisor and manager in front of co workers on a regular basis after they brought in a new manager. employer documented everything i needed for me, in writing, that i promptly sent off to the calif depart of fair employ and housing.
charges are disability discrimination – i was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder from the threats of physical violence by direct sup and continued verbal abuse by new manager. sup and manager kept writing me up corrective action for using job protected fmla/cfra time so those letters were given to the state as well. this went on for over 7 months with their continued denial of family leave and disability. ca has the broadest protection for disability in the workplace of any state. my ptsd is work related so i also have a workers comp claim against employer. employer ‘discharged’ me 3 weeks into fmla/cfra disability leave by shipping all of my personal belongings to me at my home. all documented down to the ups tracking numbers to ship my personal belongings home to me while on fmla/cfra/disability leave, all of the illegal letters written by my manager/sup threatenting me with my job for using fmla/cfra time, all clearly illegal activities.
in ca, if you can provide enough evidence to prove a case, the state will handle the case to trial for you after investigation into the employer’s illegal activities. of course employer refuses to cooperate, so state will subpoena records, etc. and they will handle the issue as the employer has clearly violated state discrimination laws also known as public policy. there is some recourse, but you must document the effects that the bullying has on your health with your physician as it occurs to be able to prove the emotional distress and in my case, ‘constructive discharge’ by the employer. if you have documented your case well, most employment law attorney’s will take the case if you have proven and documented the employer’s violation of the law. in ca, the state will also come to your aid as well.
Brenda,
I hope your confidence in a legal remedy is not shattered. Best to lower your expectations so that you won’t be hurt later. Please connect with, join, our CA affiliate — California Healthy Workplace Advocates. G. Namie
I just watched the video clip and the woman speaking is no expert. And she has obviously never been bullied.
Annie, Unfortunately, this pablum about personal responsibility and the blaming of victims (targets of bullying in this case) goes unquestioned by interviewers because it ripples through every aspect of American society. In the long run, it turns worker against worker while letting the unethical corporation do whatever it wants. GN
Our manager stood up for his workers to the new boss in town, stating he would not be mean to us, that he had excellent workers. The new boss had a vendetta agaisnt our manager and made our lives miserable. ultimately the new boss in town fired our manager and then fired all of us one by one in a matter of a month. this new guy was only there for 3 or 4 months and made it clear we were all below him. it was tougher working under this man who ruled by fear and intimidation. we tried desperately to stay confident and some even confronted him. it didn’t work and I was the last to go on christmas eve 2009. Help, anyone. We want our story out there and for it to be known that the “bullying” we suffer wasn’t right. surely the law has got up by now. Anyone? Help Us!
Billie,
Oh, the chicken shit Christmas Eve firing! Submit your story to us for consideration as a guest blog. GN
I think I am being bullied by my boss. I work in a prison. He corrects me in front of the inmates. I am doing the very best that I can regarding policy and procedures. I cried for 30 minutes before I went to work today. My bosses (boss and assistant) Do not see things the same way. They tell me to do things two different ways and it is frustrating. My boss jumps to conclusions and doesn’t give me an opportunity to respond or explain. Yesterday he had a “meeting” with one ofwhen his offenders in the office to hear the whole thing. How can we have authority over inmates if our boss is doing us that way. What makes it worse, I felt BETTER with the inmate in the office with us. I don’t know how many times I have been threatened with write ups or termination. That is soooo stressful. About 2 weeks ago, I had such a horrible day at work that I came home and beat myself up. I am being treated for stress, anxiety and depression and if another job comes up, I will take it. Unfortuantly, I am a single mom and can not just up and leave this job. I left work sick today. I am coming down with a cold or flu and when my coworker offered to finish my shift for me, I jumped on the chance because I just didn’t want to be there. My boss is like this with all of his employees. He made my co-worker cry for 4 months. Every day. I don’t know what he did with her but it was worse than what he does with me. I thought at first that it was some sort of training technique. But when I began looking for good strong trees to run into on the way home or to work, I figured something else must be up. This individual is like no one I have every met in my life. I have begun trying to establish a better rapport with my boss. I made treats and brought into work. I feel like I am always “in trouble”. When I think I am doing something right, I am doing something totally wrong that warrants being written up. This is the 3rd time that I have been bullied or felt bullied in the work place. I don’t know what to do. I am so afraid of losing my job that I need to support my family.
This is an extremely good subject that should be discussed more.Why because there should be a law especially in texas.I have been a victime of bullying and harrasment.And these situations should not be taken lightly women all over the world as i can see are becoming victims.These incidents are causing mental illness and loss of there jobs they have worke hard for.It cost me mine and that is not fair becomes these companies are loosing good hard working people, that because of other women unsecurities they get the bad end of the stick.I want to be heard and I want to accomplish something done. I have worked for other jobs which i have no complaints about and did not know about this behavior til this company.Then they want to ask well why did u stay if you were getting mistreated? Well how about im a single mother, i have bills .But how about im a good worker.Those questions do not make sense to me. And not to mention the overpowerment that there is when there is only 3 employees and 2 are against you.. There should be a law on this. And in texas there are never any real laws protecting employees except sexual harrassment.
I, along with a co-worker are currently the targets of a workplace bully. This bully is a co-worker, not a manager. This has been going on for almost nine months. We have taken our concerns and issues to our management, the bullies management, HR, Security (the bully has already been to HR in the past for physical assault and I have been shoved by this bully in the hallway at work in front of a witness who laughed about it) and our management’s manager. Management is always ‘astounded’ at such unprofessional and inappropriate behavior. But when it comes time to do something about it (and yes, it’s well documented) not a single manager has been able (or willing) to stop this nonsense. The bully is withholding information critical to our success at our job, the bully is convincing other co-workers to do the same, we are being left off of critical meeting notices, and we are being lied about to other employees. Other co-workers are finally starting to see suspicious behavior that they are reporting to us, such as watching the bully take our documents from the printer we use, walking into our offices when we are away and watching us from the end of the hall without our knowledge. This is in addition to physical confrontations that end up with the bully using intimidation, threatening mannerisms and belittleing comments, in front of HR. The management response has been, ‘the process is broken, once it’s fixed, everything will be better.’ After reading the book about Workplace Bullying, both my co-worker and I agree, nothing will be better until we each find new jobs. It’s been almost nine months, the bullying is increasing, my health is deteriorating, my sleep is broken, my relationships with friends and family is unraveling and yet my manager keeps saying ‘it’ll get better once we get the process fixed.’ (My manager was told by the bully that the process my group follows isn’t correct and this was the reason for the bullying. My manager allowed the bully to have input into rewriting the process). Over the years, many people have complained about this person’s behavior. Most of the bully’s team refuses to work with him. Obviously, we are not the bully’s first targets. I only hope I am able to find another job and move on before the bully moves on to the next level, I believe it may be a violent level.