July 17th, 2009
Podcast 5: Beware of Bad Advice
Bullying Tutorials
Advice from traditional, HR-promoting, sources such as media types and motivational speakers who make bullied targets responsible for their fate can be harmful. Here are some warning signs.
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Tags: advice, bad advice
This entry was posted on Friday, July 17th, 2009 at 11:46 am and is filed under Bullying Tutorials, Podcast. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
I just listened to Beware Bad Advice. It was an affirmation of all of the research I have done concerning my situation with my boss and my boss’ boss is correct. And it made me feel less personally culpable for the situation. It matches with what most people in our organization say about the situation. All well and good. So, my question? Is the only thing I can do is leave? What else? I am honestly physically suffering every day. What are the possibilities?
Leaving is not the first tack, but always be looking for a position in a place where you are safe. Read our 3-step method for ideas. But you have to put your health first. Stress cannot be simply willed away.
Gary Namie
With ALL respect, when I utilized the 3 step method, it just made it worse. The Agency I left due to workplace bullying gives reference for me as “left under questionable circumstances” and “unwillingness to exert herself with strong confidence”. To me it read “unwilling to become a bully to the bully”. I had to sacrifice financial security for mental health, but it was the right decision. I’m in Repair Mode; not recovered yet, but I’m getting there!. **Thanks for your website; it saved my peace of mind.**
No offense taken. We qualify our method with the statement that it is done for the sake of the target’s mental health. Fighting back to the bully and her/his allies is impossible for targets. Hiding and betraying who you really are is too costly to esteem and mental health, too. Departing in silence with no one knowing what was done to you, is the most harmful route. The trauma can linger long and prevent you bouncing back. At least leaving by pointing accusatory fingers at wrongdoers is good for your soul, reminding you that you did nothing wrong. Taking a business case up the ladder is an exercise to distract targets from harmful self-incriminating delusions. Our method rarely stops the bullying because employers love their bullies not because it is not the right process to attempt. We have solutions for employers at Work Doctor, Inc. The 3-step is designed solely for bullied individuals who deserve more dignity. Read our WBI-Zogby statistics about how bullying actually stops — targets lose their jobs! It’s an American reality. Sad but true. Gary Namie
I take issue with not reporting the situation to HR. Bullying is a form of harassment–and in some states it is considered illegal harassment. In every organization I have worked with in HR, their definition of harassment was broader than the law. A good HR person WILL address this as they do harassment. Please do not llump the bad HR people with the good HR. bullying is no different than harassment. Plain and simple.
Paula, We have a standing invitation to have a guest blog from an HR person showcasing how HR has rescued bullied targets and stopped the offending bullies. I’d be glad to praise any HR person who bucks the SHRM tradition. Your experience is anecdotal. Our evidence is empirical. As for your conclusion that “bullying is no different than harassment,” you are misinformed about state and federal laws. Bad legal advice. When a woman boss takes you on, try to find an attorney using existing discrimination law, tell him or her that there is no difference. So, please share with us names of organizations that have policies that address ALL forms of harassment, independent of protected status group membership and we will post them. GN