Women-on-women bullying in the workplace on the rise

May 16th, 2011

Women-on-women bullying in the workplace on the rise

by Amanda Chatel, The Grindstone, May 16, 2011

Women are a jealous, catty group. We’re raised to pay attention to the other women in our lives in a judgmental way. We even judge our friends. Despite the idea of sisterhood, we’re more prone to be critical of each other than men are. This mentality carries over into the workplace where female on female bullying is on the rise.

Since 2007, the practice has increased by 9%, according to the Workplace Bullying Institute. Yes, it’s that common, that there’s an institute.

Some women, once they’ve reached the top, are willing to help other women get there, too. But others will pull that ladder up behind them and secure themselves in the minority without looking back. In male-dominated offices, women who have succeeded tend to take on stereotypically male behaviors. They learn to be more aggressive and cut-throat, and once you throw in their natural jealousy of each other, it’s a perfect mix for workplace turmoil. Recent research shows that women are 71% more likely to be bullied by another woman. Whereas, the chances of a woman being bullied by a man is at a much lower 46%.

These statistic are startling and upsetting. As women, we’ve come so far in the business world in just over the last 30 year alone. For us, as a gender, to be so down on each other does not bode well for our future not only in the workplace but amongst ourselves as a society.

Some “mean girls,” will admit that there is a power trip in sinking their claws into another woman’s back, if only to prove that you’re better in some way. These same women can’t dignify or even justify some of the things they’ve done both in and out of the workplace to keep other women in their place – it’s as though it just comes naturally to some. But where it might be natural for some to be deceptive and, in some cases, outright evil, those on the receiving end understand the damage that can be done.

“I was 23 and pretty much straight out of college. My boss at the time admitted to me that she’d started out in a work environment where female bullying was completely normal. Because of her past she decided she would bully her inferiors one day, too. It was like a sorority game to her. I didn’t deserve to get hazed, but I was going to get hazed anyway on principle,” says one victim.

“I’m a teacher at a high school and I work with a female bully. She’s charming with the male teachers, but goes to great lengths to insult any woman who questions her. She’s as petty as criticizing someone’s outfit until they’re on the verge of tears. I don’t know why she doesn’t get fired,” says a second victim.

We can blame genetics or generations of struggle for equality that has given us a chip on our shoulders – but that’s just passing the buck. We owe it to ourselves to kick female on female bullying to the curb and to stand up for sisterhood in all its forms. You would not be where you are today if another woman didn’t pave the way for you. And like our inherent catty ways, this too, is a fact.

###

The original article

<-- Read the complete WBI Blog

Tags: women bullies, women targets

This entry was posted on Monday, May 16th, 2011 at 9:54 am and is filed under WBI in the News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Having trouble? Click Here for Comments Guide

Facebook Comments

comments

Disqus Comments

J.

It is possible to condemn bullying without resorting to stereotypes. I understand the author’s point about the frequency of female on female bullying, but women should not stereotype each other either. Stereotypes serve no useful purpose. The language in this article is surprisingly anti-woman and based in traditional sex stereotypes.

In my experience, bullying is entirely equal opportunity. I am a man and two of my three primary bullies were women, the other was a man. They target both women and men equally. I have seen both male and female coworkers bullied by this particular group of administrators with equal aggression and vindictiveness. Their male boss is just as much a bully with identical “claws”, but I have little contact with him.
- http://www.mgmt-in-a-nutshell.com Jay Jacobus
  
  You are absolutely right.
  
  We should not fragment our effort into sex-based bullying. That would divide us from our combined purpose.
  
  The issue of bullying in union workplaces versus non-union workplaces could also be devisive.
  
  United or divided. Which would be better?
  - kay
    
    You’re right Jay, and you seem like a cool-headed fair person. I’ll tell ya though, women are the worst they are bad.
- Donna P Passey
  
  I understand the criticism regarding the stereotypes in this issue. And the discussion concerning bullying should be a genderless issue. But it is not. That is because we have not yet done enough to recognize that bullying between women is as serious as bullying between a man and a woman. (And bullying between men isn’t even on the radar! It’s just “dishonourable”, or tough luck!).
  Business and Human Resource professionals have worked for many years now to deal with issues of bullying, specifically in relation to sexual harrassment policies. However, in workshops I’ve attended on such policies, the cases made of such incidents are usually about inappropriate use of the internet related to sex, sexual inuendo or overtures usually but not always made by men toward women, and abuse of power by senior managment toward staff (for which the glass ceiling still exists and senior managment positions are still dominated by men).
  What is not within enough policy documents is how to deal with the typical female on female bullying, which is not usually as sexual in nature, but can be devistating to one’s esteem and sense of vulnerability within an organization. It is often downplayed as “not as serious”, because bullying between women is not often sexual, and therefore not physical. It is emotional bullying, and not easily seen or identifed, and therefore not as valued as a problem.
  I’ve seen great lip service paid to programs that discuss and try to inhibit gossip, backstabbing, and the “soft skill” method of bullying that is difficult to prove and even harder with which to deal. So this type of bullying is usually swept under the carpet, because it takes far too much time and too many resources away from HR with which to deal. And while men can be blamed for this type of emotional bullying, I’ve yet to see a pack of men gossip and backstab a woman without it being labelled “sexual harrassment”. We just don’t have a serious enough label yet for the way women can devistate each other emotionally.
  But dealing with female on female, passive agressive style of bullying is what we need to acknowledge as an issue if we are to break the glass ceiling in many organizations.
  Why can’t we talk about gender as an issue? Western society has just gotten over the fact that we can now talk about gender within relationships. That is, we can now acknowledge same gender realtionships within a legal and organizational context. Why can’t we talk about bullying through a gender lens as well? Or is this a can of worms that is more comfortably kept closed too?
- Liz
  
  It’s a stereotype for a reason. Women are so much worse to other women. I am a nurse and attorney. The beauty of law is working with men, it’s about job performance, in nursing they write books about why nurseseat their young (new nurses). It’s a fact.
kay

I completely believe Amanda’s assessment, and only because I have spent years smack in the middle of it. I work in a primarily all female environment and I have been completely changed by it. I have seen a lot of bitterness, jealousy and not only toward myself. I have watched women engage in full out campaigns of harm toward other women. They stock their cabinets full of uncouth, disrespectful, unethical females and begin their campaigns.

I’ve watched a union employee take steps to strip a near 30yr veteran employee of her favor. The vet had been given a free parking pass from the co due to her many transfers and years of work and loyalty. A very trouble-making foul mouth miserable female employ (and union rep) who’d been employed only about 8yrs made a statement that she would be sure that the vet emp would be stripped of that favor as long as she herself had to pay parking, and it happened.

I never said a word and only listened to it spoken of. That employee ended up taking a transfer after being in this dept for many many years in order to avoid having to lose her composure with one of the particularly hateful and sabotaging women. The woman thought that she was doing this behind closed doors but it came to light. Women would stand over me and call me princess tiara when the office would get thin after 4pm. They’d threaten my job constantly. After I’d suffered indecent acts from a male sup, most women who’d found out were appalled but a few trucker women would seem to think that it was no big deal and increased their hostility toward me as if I should not be infuriated and emotionally damaged.

I’ve been asked to conduct training sessions by mgmt for my peers (all but maybe 4 women) and afterward The bullying statements of “who does she think she is” and “I wanna punch her” and much much more were turned up. Constant critiques for my appearance and questioning publicly if my eye color is “real” (it is) and discussing right near me personal information about myself, hairstyles and more. When all of those who are bullies do not follow the business casual dress code and do in fact wear older sneakers and t-shirts to a corporate bldg that has lawyers and other companies on other floors sharing elevators and such.

I daily follow dress code and rules and they often ask me “why I dress up everyday”. It is bothersome and the environment is TOXIC and then as I endure that— they later tell me ” I know you know how to be professional, if -blank- doesn’t know how then they should take an f-ing class and on and on, then next day say again that I’m going with so and so (I’ll be fired if they can help it) Everyday all day. —– I do know that it is rampant in this company and before my leave in Dec, about 6 of us were left in office before closing when all of a sudden we heard a loud male voice saying “get away from me, you are impossible and make my work environment so hostile. I’m sick of it get away!” — the others began to stand in their cubicals and discuss what they could see on their end and it was a well known female bully harassing a nice mild mannered man in the other dept. He always sys hello and opens the doors for me when I see him. Nice guy. they (uppr mgmt) knows she and most of the others are of this character, yet they do nothing to them nor the sexually or otherwise harassing mgmt. That guy was yelling to the top of his voice and those of us who heard began to email and instant message “omg, can you believe that?” and more.

I recvd those types of messages, but said nothing about my situation. If he needed any help I would have spoken up for him, but he handled her himself. It has been a nightmare of 7yrs maybe 5 of those bore witness to abuse severe—not simple requests for others to do better work, but instead personal harassment.
TwilightZone

The right of passage/paying your dues concept doesn’t fly because female bullies don’t let up after the hazing. Once she’s decided she doesn’t like you for whatever reason, there’s no getting over it.
- http://www.mgmt-in-a-nutshell.com Jay Jacobus
  
  There is a counter-culture in the feminine movement. We should no longer conclude that woman are nurturing, compasionate, sexy, passive, shop-a-holics, fragile, etc.
  
  Now, we should conclude that they are manly.
  
  A bully is still a bully whatever the stereotypes say they shoulld be.
  - TwilightZone
    
    Well, I should have qualified my statement by adding that this is from personal experience. I have seen male bosses refusing to intervene in or even egging on conflicts between women, whereas resolution is attempted if a man was involved. So neither sex is blameless here, it just seems to me that there are gender differences in how the bullying is perpetrated and handled.
  - C Rob
    
    Most of my life I was one of the boys who leads as a woman. Not in the tomboy sense but my peers were generally males in school, early career, etc. It was the place for overachieving girls at the time. I think when men are behind the bullying there is a limit. A win or loose if you will. Like a pat on the back or come to the table for getting past “the game.” Women who emulate men, in my opinion, do not let up and want blood. I’ll take a tough a$$$ male boss over a bullying woman emulating a man instead of drawing on the natural feminine in leadership any day. My college years and early career were molded in many ways by women in the feminist movement. The bullying women do not represent woman empowerment.
- kay
  
  I think that you hit the nail on the head. Female bullies/harassers do not let up. They seemingly don’t want to stop until you are torn apart and all of your will and determination, drive,optimism for enjoying and advancing in your profession are DEAD.
  
  Many are very miserable, and if they are experiencing personal troubles they want to be sure to wipe the pleasant smile right off of your face EVERY DAY. They want your family life, relationship, and outlook on life to be destroyed. They will push you beyond your breaking point and if you show no effects of their work, they will turn up the heat. It is some sort of sickness. I dunno???
  
  Some male (weasels)will enjoy it and use the opportunity to take advantage of you (the target) if they know that you are a target. It is all just too much….. I wanna work every day and enjoy the colors of the sky and trees and the drive in to work like I used to. I wanna smile and talk with all of my friends working “menial” jobs in the building. I like to make those person’s feel special and appreciated.I recieve birthday gifts and holiday cards and gifts from parking folk and janitorial and vending folk bring my favorite cookies.I have some really nice buddies and I do the same for them. I know em all and others try and act as if these PEOPLE are invisible, or are nasty to them. These are the better of most in building.
  
  I want to enter the environment without a nervous shake wondering when/if one of the bullies will be successful in making me lose my composure and spew out foul language and be prepared to threaten and yell at any one of them. I AM NOT WEAK, I JUST DONT WANT TO DO IT. I DON’T WANT THAT IN MY LIFE!! THE WOMEN WOULD SAY THAT I NEED TO “GROW A PAIR” OR THE UNION WOMAN WOULD SAY “0000 MEAN GIRLS”. I’d ignore them and work harder, but this harasment was tearing me apart. I AM IN MY VERY EARLY 30′S and the bullies 30′s and most mid to late 50′S It does not even feel right for me to consider cursing out these women, but if you could hear them, you would not believe it.
  
  They called me b**ch, sl*t. tr*mp just footsteps away from me as I worked on the phones and such, Until they found that I have been with my highschool bf for 17yrs now without separating and we are going strong and raising our children. None of those character assasinations are true.
  
  I dont want to go back, but I have no fast choice. It is a war zone with women, and men hit on you, make open sexual comments or worse. I want out and away from them, but my family needs the $20 per hour… I’ve been looking whenever I can get out of bed, no luck. I miss gardening. I wanna put down my mulch and start my paver patio and LIVE, but my mind and body are changed. I really am in the TWILIGHT ZONE
- kay
  
  Yep, you are so right. I don’t think I could have said it better. That is exactly the statement that hit home with me…. THEY NEVER LET UP. ONCE THEY DECIDE THAT YOU ARE GOIN DOWN…. THEY TAKE STEPS TO MAKE SURE YA GET THERE.
J.

I object to the article because it is based primarily on stereotypes, rather than research. There are a few – very few – statistics thrown in, but primarily the writer uses old, archaic, concepts to label professional women. The first sentence reads as if it could have been written 100 years ago: “Women are a jealous, catty group.” She goes on to make a series of unsubstantiated statements. In the third paragraph, she blames what she alleges are natural female characteristics on men, or on women adopting “stereotypically male behaviors.” Please. This is contradictory.

If I wanted to negatively stereotype, I might counter the claim that women are “catty” (feline attributes are rarely used to describe men) by claiming men are snide and petty. I’ve known lots of snide and petty members of my sex, but I do not consider them to be natural states. That type of argument is useless and shallow.

Both genders bully and they may have their own general sex-specific approaches to bullying. Legitimate research on gender differences and similarities is useful. However, there is no legitimate research cited in the article. The article is the writer’s unresearched editorial on her impressions of women bullies. If a man wrote it, using similar sex stereotyping, it would have been entirely rejected. If similar stereotyping were used against another minority, we would condemn the writer and reject the article. Why is it acceptable for a woman to negatively sex stereotype other women?

The president of my university (a man) gave anonymous emails addressing the bad behavior of the dean of my college (a woman) to the dean and he told her they were written by me. I signed any emails I sent him, so they were not mine. He did nothing about her behavior, other than enable it. She then attacked and punished me for other employees’ criticisms of her incompetent management of the college. Was his behavior “male” or “female”? Was her’s “female” or “male”? If she had done it to a woman, would it have been worse than doing it to a man? She was the aggressor, he facilitated and encouraged her. As far as I am concerned, those two administrators are evil twins. They are, in most ways, the same. Both are bullies and both are arrogant beyond belief. Both have a bizarre need to feel important and neither seems to like the idea of hard work. Bullying is bullying, regardless its face, or gendered characteristics.
- http://www.mgmt-in-a-nutshell.com Jay Jacobus
  
  Many words have been written about bullying, targets and vicitms. What suggestions / actions have been helpful to you? And is there something that could be done that isn’t being done yet?
  - J.
    
    It seems to me that almost nothing substantial is being done in the immediate sense. I have noticed bullying among children in the news for some time, but I see almost nothing about workplace, or adult, bullying. My state recently passed legislation against bullying in the public schools. It might be easier to gain support to legislate against bullying if the public heard more about it. I heard nothing about workplace bullying in public discourse and did not learn there was a term for it until I began doing internet searches trying to find some description of what I had been experiencing for 3 years.
  - C Rob
    
    J-In the long term one could advocate for legislation,etc.
    
    In the day to day survival, from my experience, I believe once you become a target it is pretty much a wrap. HR has not evolved to address this issue, the bully often has a hold on good people with the influence to help, so their hands become tied. My bully had a file if you will on the men in influence, and if a man has any questionable activities, then he is unable to cross a line with the bully.
    
    Now, I back bullying down from the start. They are weak, insecure, and crazy. There is no reasoning. I had to go to heck and back, however, to gain this insight.
    
    Those that follow bullies willingly, are another force to reckon with. My experience has been the bully will weaken with a force to be reckoned with, but the followers are psychotic and really buy into the belief they will gain, so that is a difficult mind set to surpass in the day to day.
  - http://www.mgmt-in-a-nutshell.com Jay Jacobus
    
    It seems to me that the people who need educating are the professionals. I went on one healthy workplace website and could not find “bullying”.
    
    Another website recommended:
    •how to communicate more effectively.
    •help employees see each other’s perspectives
    •Identify root causes
    •Establish a policy of respect.
    
    I had hoped to see
    ways to empower the targets/victims.
    ways to rescue targets/victims in dire need.
    ways to disempower bullies.
    tracking statistics that show ineffectual solutions.
    
    but I what I found was “have the victim talk it out.”
  - J.
    
    Yes. It appears that very few people are familiar with the concept of workplace bullying – until it happens to them. Often, legislation follows a public dialogue. There has been little or no public dialogue on workplace bullying. If many targets do not have a term for workplace bullying until they search for one out of frustration, why should we expect the non-bullied public to immediately understand the concept and support proposed legislation? The few laws we have to protect workers came after movements to stop abuses (child labor, 40 hour week, safety laws, discrimination, etc.). Supporting legislation, without a wide-spread movement to educate the public first, may not work.
    
    We need education on a large scale. It will take changing the public’s understanding of bullying to get real change.
C Rob

The article may seem stereotypical, but it is true. I have survived workplace bullying and I will say the top person who does it is full of issues of low self esteem. Hindsight tells me one approach to chop the bully off is to go for that issue because in most companies, once you’re a target, it is pretty much a wrap. This is just a real life survival technique, but you have to have the fortitude to do this which often doesn’t develop until after survivng bullying. If you are trying to survive this, HR will probably be unresponsive, and some of the males, who generally are at the top of the organization may turn a blind eye or even enjoy the antics. My bully had actually collected information on the males who wanted to and were in a position to help, backing them against the wall. There were alot of good people affected during my experience. Remember, the bully has gained expertise in manipulation during her climb. One poster hit it on the nail –the lack of integrity issue or the junk yard dog woman as my mentor calls her – will do and has done anything to climb. I feel most for young women entering the workforce today. In early career I followed a generation of women who tried to reach back or if they did not have power, did at least provide good leadership in the roles they were in. I was affected by bullying mid career. Unfortunately, it may take a horrendeous going postal incident for companies to begin addressing this issue. That is unfortunate and preventable.
- kay
  
  C Rob, I agree with you wholeheartedly. I think that it will take a bunch of “postal” incidents for lawmakers to wake up and say no more. Why don’t they realize by now that morals -fail since some folk dont have any…. company policy is not good for anything, they dont enforce it……current laws make it difficult…….. lastly folks find no recourse, and are saddled with depression and severe debilitating anxiety.
  
  These emotional and mental conditions are VERY REAL and even the strongest most independent individuals cant just “shake it off and begin again” I know from experience.
  
  I am a very strong young woman. I drove myself to the hospital in full labor at about 3am years ago. I worked days and went to college nights and raised healthy 4.2 gpa and honor students. Purchased a $99,000 home as a starter while in my 20′s with a normal conventional low interest bank loan. Made it through a near fatal episode and diagnosis of my 3yr old’s juvenile diabetes, asked for no time off after the weekend we spent in the hospital with him, and returned to work without telling anyone and was ok.
  
  I love to work, it is a source of pride and accomplishment for me, not just income. The price I’ve paid for payment is not worth it at all and I am furious. I have days of grief, anxiety, mourning, and then back to anger. It seems to never end, medication does nothing but keep my sedated and asleep but as you see, I’m up until 6am when my kids get up for school and after getting them off to school that is when I sleep. My days and nights are turned around and I have nightmares. I’m tired of this.
  
  I am not advocating violence, but I see just how it happens so when I hear of it now, I say to myself, I’ll bet I know what the person felt when harassment/bullying is involved. Its tragic.
  
  We know what it means to be a human being, yet we don’t protect that which makes us human….. emotional health, mental solice, peace, happiness.
  
  All of this and during and while working in one of the most vile and toxic environments and was determined not to let it harm me until it came to a creshendo with unbelievable harassment.
  - C Rob
    
    Kay, I like you was a super sister (I laugh alot now to keep from crying). Paid my own way through college with several jobs, obtained assets young, even delivered a child at home before being rushed to the hospital.
    
    As you work towards healing, keep in mind the best, brightest, most dedicated, high integrity level achieving people are targets.
    
    The bully in my case intensified her efforts after I scored 100% on an ethics exams required by my state in my former field and accused me of being, overly nice, dedicated, hardworking, over performing, etc., etc., See how upside down it is?
    
    As a young woman approval from others matters a little bit more, so disapproval can bring havoc on the self esteem.
    
    Come to terms with the fact, the problem was not you. You were everything you were supposed to be.
    
    Reading the information on the WBI will be very helpful to your restoral. I don’t know if I would have been able to heal as much as I have without the information shared on the WBI.
    
    Sometimes family and friends just don’t get it. I was amazed at the reveal of who was operating as a bully in their careers in my circle, but I could so see it. A few very close people I expected support from were very defensive. Guilty conscience.
    
    I would like to say time heals all wounds, but I would say the long term affect of my experience has been very close to loosing a loved one.
    
    Perhaps treating the experience as a grief experience will help. Again, know that there was absolutely nothing wrong with you. Shed tears for you if you need to.
    
    If you feel healthy enough advocate in some way. This may help to restore your sense of purpose. If not, try to find a positive outlet with positive people.
    
    I think being bullied destroys so much and it is hard to restore.
    
    I’ve made it to the other side of the experience in some ways, but I am changed. I did go through a time of complete distrust, heightened sensitivity to any negativity.
    
    When I awoke, I looked at my clothes and realized I had been in all black (not the fashionable kind either) for several years. Certain items, like a book in my home had not been moved. Time had stood still.
    
    I was grieving and depressed, but had not realized it. I am stronger now, but it has not been an easy road.
kay

I hear ya C Rob, and when I say that, I mean to say that I hear EVERY word you wrote. It is extremely hard because I do try and do things right in my life. I am a religious very caring and respectful person.

I sincerely want to do my part and be responsible. I love to meet and sort of watch people in their natural being. I love and appreciate good folk and it brings me joy to have a positive stamp on lives. I mean that by even just a funny conversation with a stranger. Not all folks have that positive energy and when I see that, I’m fast in the other direction. I still am very shy in some ways, but I have still been trying to open myself up in small interactions.

This experience did threaten to make me even more introverted, but I have kinda tried to stand by myself (so to speak) and continue. I have had the exact same statements made about me. Women said I was “too nice” or they’d laugh and call me princess tiara and tell others -who do I think I am-. This is always tough for me. I wonder, well don’t they appreciate my kindness or attempts at professionalism. Why do they mock me for not using profanity at work gossiping? I am NOT perfect, but this stuff is foreign to me, especially at a large and wealthy company. They dont simply mock folk, they really take steps to professionally harm them, and will SAY that they want em fired??? Others (few) were great and enjoyed my company and were -normal-…others were scareed and they would say so…

I am trying to keep my self esteem… it’s hard. The incidents that occurred in my situation are too broad and went well beyond just workplace bullying. I do in fact recognize that the toxicity of the workplace was the precurser and is what allowed the worst of the events to occur. Had there been REAL prevention in the VERY REGULAR workplace misconduct including bullying, there would not be such free possibility of other abuses.. Workplace bullying definitely provides cover for other forms of harassment to flourish.

Even still, only one friend knows what ultimately happened to me in the workplace. Various agencies know, the company knows and now employees. If more of my friends knew, they’d know immediately that this is not something that my character can rebound from easily. I have been somewhat shy and modest my entire life and I have friends who are my opposite and they rag on me for it often… They’d know that what he did was horrendous for me. I hate to be the Debbie downer, and there is shame involved, so I make the excruciating effort to pretend to be -normal- when friends call and I kinda stay away from them. I dont wanna tell em what happened. They ask why I’m home and I say that I did not have to work today. I have been off since Dec on sick leave. I went to my daughters concert at school and my heart monitor kept going off, as I sat there next to a friend. I hoped she thought it was my phone. There is shame…I dont know why??

Right now it is about 6:30am and I have yet to sleep for the -night-.. so I am trying, but this is a CONSTANT COMPANION, not voluntarily, but I still cant believe what has gone on. It is sooo bothersome because it is like the “twilight zone” . I cant seem to get out!

I’m glad that you are progressing. God Bless and good luck to you. Right now the light is too far off for me.
- http://www.mgmt-in-a-nutshell.com Jay Jacobus
  
  You shouldn’t feel shame, but I understand why you do. People often feel shame for things that aren’t their fault. I know I did and it prevented me from taking public action.
  
  I think we need support and enouragement. But we don’t get that.
  
  Instead we get indifferent and sometimes patronizing reactions. As more people switch off our complaints, we learn that our problems are unwelcome and perhaps annoying.
  
  How can we help but feel shame?
  - kay
    
    Exactly Jay, your words perfectly describe the feelings I have about other people’s perception of speaking about the harassment filled work environment. Most of all this is the feeling that I’d gotten from my company’s HR.
    
    It really screws with my mind because when I’d tell others (such as psychiatry/ology or persons at the various agencies) they immediately gasp at the detailed words/statements that were said within the work environment and ultimately the events. By being so silent, my mental health deteriorates and makes me shameful and feel as if I should not have spoken up.
    
    It’s weird, but I know better and when I’m really strong enough, I will speak publicly possibly in name and face and disclose company and all envolved. Right now, I’m just hanging on.
    
    All I want are laws/protection and acknowledgement for everyone.
pckat

I work at a discount store chain. Unfortunately there is a wide spread problem of our female assistant mgrs being bullies. I have sent inquiries out and have found 3 stores with that problem. One store has 2! Some women just dont have the ability to grow out of junior high behavior. It is their/our way to feel the Power the men supposedly have. The bully I have at my store has finally turned her sights on me, which will be her mistake. She being a predator loves to make other women cry, and nit pick is another favorite. I will do my best to educate people and the rest of mgmt about this. Maybe, just maybe she can be helped and the bullying will stop or at least let up a little.
Kala

I was a victim of bullying by a close knit group of men and 1 woman. IN hindsight I think she felt no chice to either be victim or join the power group. Now I’m recovered (mostly) having left academia-I hope to help other’s who are wanting to transition out of such a harmful situation. IT really can be debilitating!
ANova

All bullying is bad but I agree that gender-based bullying is different. The way females bully other females is quite different from how males bully (at least from my experience). A male would tend to take credit for something someone else did, which is more upfront in my opinion whereas a female is a bit more covert and pretends to be a friend and backstabs you from all angles. All of my experiences with bullying originated from other females leading the bullying. I was ashamed to be a female at times because I found some safety in my male coworkers. The females did tend to gossip more and perhaps, that instigated more of the bullying. I see some in-group prejudice even with my bosses. If I work for a female boss, I can expect more nitpicking, mood changes and attitude just because they feel it necessary to be hard on other females. I enjoy working for male bosses more because they are more easygoing and seem more aware of equal treatment issues. A female boss wouldn’t have the concern for equal treatment because she herself is the same gender and therefore, thinks she is inherently giving equal treatment. I think in-group discrimination exists and bullying styles do differ between genders. I’ve also had in-group racial discrimination. One white boss thought it was okay to make racial comments about my background because he was married to an African American and therefore, thought his comments couldn’t possibly be racist due to his mixed race marriage. I was very much offended at his comments. How does being one race or being married to one race give anyone the right to make comments about being Asian or Indian or Middle Eastern? It’s like someone repeatedly referring to an Asian person as Chinese when they’re not is racist because they’re generalizing that all Asians are Chinese or all Hispanic are Mexicans.
ANova

As I read more and more of these comments, I am compelled to ask…. how do employers allow these bullying people to retain their jobs? I mean they’d have to be blind not to see the effect of these people. If anyone wanted the truth of what’s going on in their company, all they’d have to do is send out an anonymous survey. They should also ask themselves why good employees leave. If new employees keep leaving, they need to look at the existing employees and how they may be contributing to the poor environment.

In general, I don’t understand how some people can keep their jobs so long, bullying aside. I witnessed one person hang up the phone on several of her bosses once just because she was frustrated with a print job. Yet she still works there and still works for a high level supervisor. She has no computer skills and no industry experience and typically refuses work from her bosses. I think companies need to step up and be more strict with their policies and hiring requirements. A lot of the bulliers seem to have superficial skills and resort to bullying to keep their job, too.
- http://www.mgmt-in-a-nutshell.com Jay Jacobus
  
  Why do some epeople like blood sports? It’s cruel and destructive. Yet some people apparently get a charge out of watching one creature destroy another.
  
  The same is true of some executives. They pit one employee against another and then sit back and watch the show with glee.
  
  It’s barbaric.
anonymous female

Having been through 5 years of hell with female bullying (I stayed so long because initially I couldn’t believe it was happening,& by the time professionals said I was being bullied, I’d lost all confidence)my strong advice is LEAVE (sorry ’bout the caps). You cannot change people or the corporate culture.I know you may need (short term) to take a pay cut & you don’t feel like it, but my experience is the sooner you leave the less ‘damaged’/effected you will be.Unfortunately, my personality has changed over this period & not for the better. The bullying of me all started when a married (but I didn’t know!)young,high flyer flirted with a non-responsive me & a married older woman (who it turned out wanted to have an affair with him & relocated to his village to do so!) found out, even though I never responded to him!! It seemed to annoy her more that I wasn’t interested in him but ‘the big fish’ for some reason decided to flirt with a niave inexperienced 20 something! After that no tactic was too low!
anonymous female

I really feel for you Kay & all others going through this. Please don’t let anyone ruin your life. I recommend a fresh start. My situation sounds like it kicked off down to really silly nonsense! But I worked in a prestigous area where I looked up to senior managers/was in awe of them but unfortunately as described above, even though we should have had our minds on our work, petty concerns/egos count if the corporate culture allows people to get away with it. I don’t think we’ll see reforms in our lifetime to tackle serious bullying, nor does anyone want to face up to the link with depression/suicides. I think emotional abuse can be worse then physical abuse, as it destroys self esteem (you always think why me? what can I do/ change?)but maybe that’s the intention!
singlemom

if a woman is bullying another woman and historically targets women, does that fall under the discrimination law?
- admin
  
  Typically it does not. Since you are in the same protected class as the bully, their terrible behavior was not based on the fact that you are a woman. This is the big problem with the law today. Be sure to head over to http://www.healthyworkplacebill.org to find out about the campaign in your state.