Slightly more likely is the fact that the Admin was closer to going into “legal defense mode” than you knew. They do it so many times with so many people, it is a well rehearsed tactic. They are always on the cusp of defending aggressors.

We do not say be a helpless victim. We say re-frame the abuse as an assault on the institution’s mission and fiscal soundness. Shift the discussion to put them on the defensive. If they still stand by the abuser, you have to extricate yourself. But given your tenure, or at least long-term standing, in the department, leaving spontaneously is never something we advise. Our book, Bully At Work, lays out in detail an alternative to cutting and running.

Helplessness carries significant health risks. Please don’t slide into that state.

My union rep told me:  “Don’t request mediation, because right now you have the upper hand; the administration knows that he has been bullying you and you are the victim.  If you enter into mediation, you lose the upper hand, because you are both treated as equals.”

My dean told me: “Don’t try to request mediation, because it’s totally voluntary, and we know your bully won’t go.  I do have the power as your supervisor to call you both in to discuss the situation (which is NOT mediation); but I don’t want to do that because that would simply anger your bully even more, and make your situation worse.”

And the coordinator of our campus mediation center told me: “Your bully has made it clear to you and to us that he does not want to mediate or try to improve the situation in any way.  Therefore, if you request mediation, it could be construed as YOU harassing HIM, because you’re provoking him.” 

Yes folks, these were the illogical and twisted responses that I got from my union and my administration.   In other words; “We know you’re being bullied, but there’s nothing we can (or will) do about it; but you’re not allowed try to do anything about it either, because it will only piss off your bully and then we’ll twist it around and consider you the aggressor.”

So, the message they sent to me (and the article above seems to send) is: Even if everyone acknowledges that you’re in the right and you’re being bullied, don’t use mediation as a way of breaking the logjam; rather, just keep on accepting the bullying behaviors and the unfair treatment by your administration, and hope that something will magically happen to suddenly break the vicious cycle and rectify the situation.  Is that really the best course of action?

In my case: NO!  My bully eventually provoked me into an altercation which led me to a mental breakdown necessitating a medical leave for an entire semester.  The college admin realized that they were now in legal jeopardy, because their inaction had allowed the bullying to continue and directly caused my illness.  So they went into “legal defense mode,” and they now deny that they had ever acknowledged that the bullying had ever occurred (in spite of the fact that I have loads of written documentation in which they acknowledge the bullying!  Furthermore, they claim that I have had a longstanding mental illness which had never been diagnosed, compounded by an overly emotional nature.  Yadda yadda, the same old stories we all know about.  Even though their own college-appointed Independent Medical Examiner (hired to clear me to return to work) reported to them that THEY caused my illness by allowing the bullying to occur AND their subsequent mishandling of the situation, the college is still clinging to their threadbare “defense.” 

So, I’m left feeling that victims are caught in a hopeless no-win situation:  All the “experts” say that attempting mediation is the wrong thing to do; but in my experience, if you don’t attempt mediation to break the vicious cycle, there’s no way out and you’ll end up getting severely harmed by the situation.  Is there really no solution to the conundrum?  Is it really hopeless to try to take action, and to try to gain some control of the situation (or at least not feel like a helpless pawn in the game)?  Otherwise, the only message that I seem to hear is: There’s nothing you can do to try to alter the situation, so give up all hope and let yourself be a helpless victim.