Frequently Asked Questions

Feeling lost? Not sure where to start? Start with a few of these frequently asked questions. Use them as a springboard to other topics and concerns.

1. What is Bullying?
2. Am I being Bullied?
3. How is this different from harassment?
4. Is it normal for my health to be falling apart?
5. Do you have the names of any mental health professionals that understand bullying?
6. I feel so lost what should I do?
7. Why Me? I'm the most skilled person there.
8. My co-workers have turned their backs on me, what should I do?
9. Why doesn't my union help?
10. Why when I told my employer did it get worse?
11. My employer is forcing me into workers comp, what do I do?
12. I was forced out of my job and I can't get unemployment what can I do?
13. How can my employer get away with doing nothing?
14. Is there a law against it?
15. Can I sue?
16. Do you have the names of any attorneys who understand bullying?
17. How can I prevent this from happening at my next job?

1. What is Bullying?

It is mistreatment severe enough to compromise a targeted worker's health, jeopardize her or his job and career, and strain the family that suffers too. It is a laser-focused systematic campaign of interpersonal destruction. It has nothing to do with work itself. It is driven by the bully's personal agenda and actually prevents work from getting done. It begins with one person hating the target so much so that others are swiftly and easily recruited to gang up on the increasingly isolated target. Read the formal definition.

2. Am I being Bullied?

You are miserable. You are harassed. Your work is blocked or stolen. But you may not have considered yourself bullied because you believe bullying is restricted to schoolage children. Wrong! Workplace Bullying is something experienced by over a third of the U.S. workforce. Read this checklist to see if it describes what you are going through.

3. How is this different from harassment?

Bullying certainly looks like harassment. And it is harassing, as commonly understood (defined as annoying persistently or worrying a person or creating a hostile situation by uninvited and unwelcome verbal or physical conduct). But at work, harassment is a special term. Harassment connotes sexual harassment and a hostile work environment, and that is part of a set of civil rights violations. State and federal civil rights laws are designed to protect workers from discriminatory, disparate mistreatment. If, and ONLY IF, you are a member of a protected status (grounds) group (there are 7 in the U.S. and 11 in Canada), e.g., gender, race, religion, ethnicity, etc., and you have been mistreated by a person who is NOT a member of a protected group, you might be able to claim that you were harassed. (Only a legal professional can advise you on this.) HR must respond to your complaint and the entire anti-discrimination procedure is begun. Illegal discriminatory harassment occurs in only 20% of bullying cases. That means that 80% of bullying is legal, and thus different. 61% of bullying is same gender. Woman bullies famously target other women in 71% of cases, and it is completely legal unless race, age or some other status group membership characteristic can be claimed.

4. Is it normal for my health to be falling apart?

It is not good, but it is typical. By the time bullying deteriorates your physical or mental health, it has gone on too long. Unfortunately, most targeted people try to "tough it out." It does not stop the bullying, but it allows the overwhelming stress to eat at you. The stress won't stop until the bullying stops or you are separated from the sources of it, the stressors -- the bully and his or her executive friends and sponsors.

5. Do you have the names of any mental health professionals that understand bullying?

You deserve a counselor who won't blame you for your fate. Some exist, but you have to be a smart consumer of psychologists, psychiatrists and counselors. At the current time, we can refer you to one psychologist in Portland, OR. We do have sound advice to help you find the right professional in your area.

6. I feel so lost what should I do?

Two important points:
   1. You are not the only one to have experienced this. Not in your country, not in your state or province, not in your company, even not the only one in your work unit! Isolation, a lot of it self-imposed because you feel so bad, compounds the stress.
   2. You did not invite the misery. No one in their right mind should ever believe the bully's lie that another person (you) deserve to be humiliated, intimidated and abused. You did not ask for it. You did not trigger the hatred campaign by otherwise innocent, decent person.

Been Bullied? Start Here

One-on-one Coaching with Dr. Namie

7. Why Me? I'm the most skilled person there.

One of bullying's greatest tragedies is that the best and brightest, not the weakest, are selected for targethood. You posed a threat somehow to a person who is not fully developed as a moral human being. He or she may possess skills, but the only important ones involve manipulation and control of other people and the game of political sabotage at work. The fact that bullies are threatened speaks volumes about them, not about you. But don't waste time feeling pity for them. The Workplace Bullying movement is about helping targeted individuals find relief, not rehabilitating bullies. Read more about who gets targeted.

8. My co-workers have turned their backs on me, what should I do?

It is a fact that we rely on co-workers to define our reality. It's part of being human. Co-workers have tremendous influence on our lives. That's why it is so devastating when they begin to resent you, the targeted peer, and eventually abandon you. The longer the bullying, the more likely they will side with the bully and become your enemy. Driving all of this is the F word -- FEAR. They are afraid of being next to fall in the bully's crosshairs.

9. Why doesn't my union help?

Unions are the only official employee advocates, not HR. However, unions have a mixed record of dealing with bullying. They are organizations, just like employers. The people at the top often have different perspectives than those of rank-in-file members. If the union E-board doesn't have sympathy for bullied members, nothing will be done to help members who are bullied by managers. Remarkably, even with sympathetic leaders, bullying presents a problem for unions when the bullying is member-on-member. Unions have the responsibility to "represent" both parties, but they should never "defend" the aggressor, the bully. There are innovative ways to help the bully while defending the safety of the targeted person. Because of the misunderstanding, many unions ignore bullying. Instead, unions should see bullying as worker health and safety problem, a traditional mandate. See the unions we have helped. Help for Unions

10. Why when I told my employer did it get worse?

Instead of correcting the problem you brought to its attention, your employer circled the wagons to defend the bully. You were retaliated against. You were the bearer of bad news, daring to expose truths about incompetence or illegality. You were branded the "troublemaker." Most of the time the bully is a manager (72%). Your report made you an adversary. Bullies enjoy support from the top. You threatened to hold someone accountable who is beloved by senior management. He or she was hired because of aggressive tendencies (that simply looked like ambition) or the bully was following orders from the top. You probably reported the problem to HR or personnel thinking help was forthcoming. Unless the misconduct is illegal, HR does not have to do anything. HR is a management support function. Do not treat HR as employee advocates.

11. My employer is forcing me into workers comp, what do I do?

Ironic, isn't it? You are injured by the psychological assault which is bullying. The employer (HR) gives you two options: file a workers compensation (WC) claim or take family medical leave act (FMLA) time off. You lose with either option. WC claims while you are off work do not pay and they are managed by the employer who is judge and jury. After a lengthy, sham "investigation," including a humiliating psychological exam by one of the employer's hack psychologists (falsely called an independent medical exam, IME, (link here to the IME story)), your stress claim will be denied. You will have foregone pay and lost everything. FMLA is unpaid leave. HR wants you out with no pay. Better to have your physician or counselor begin the process of putting you on short-term disability. It starts with an "off work order for job stress." The first step will buy you a couple of weeks so the disability process can move forward. Then, if the employer fires you while off on disability (which many employers do), you may have some legal recourse.

12. I was forced out of my job and I can't get unemployment what can I do?

Perhaps you had the good sense to stop the decline in your health, reclaim your personal dignity, and leave before more damage could be inflicted. You quit. This disqualifies you from receiving unemployment. If you had known, you might have negotiated to have the separation reflect a layoff (common and impersonal in this era). But you should appeal the denial of UI benefits on the grounds that you were "constructively discharged." You, like any reasonable person, had to leave a work environment made so unsafe by the bully and supportive management. Conditions were unbearable. No one could remain there and be sane.

13. How can my employer get away with doing nothing?

If your employer actually did nothing, you are luckier than others who suffered retaliation for reporting the bullying. (link to 2008 employer study) Employers have to follow state and federal laws or risk lawsuits that could carry punitive damages. Bullying is legal in every U.S. state. In Canada, it's legal in all provinces except Quebec and Saskatchewan and for employees of the federal government. Laws compel employer policies. Only when policies exist do employers have to pay attention to conduct at work. Though it makes good business sense to voluntarily stop bullying to reduce expenses and to minimize employee health risks, U.S. employers are not that bright. They have more time and friendship invested in the bullies than in the business or agency and certainly more than any investment in the workers. Employers' respect is given to bullies; they are protected. Targets are banished. Like we say: Good Employers Purge Bullies, Bad Ones Promote 'Em.

14. Is there a law against it?

No. Bullying is legal in every U.S. state. In Canada, it's legal in all provinces except Quebec and Saskatchewan and for employees of the federal government. Sad that these two North American democracies are the last of the industrialized nations to democratize the workplace by stopping health-harming abusive conduct. There are some related laws that may be applied, but the lessons from the Courts is that those cases are difficult to win. Read more.

The WBI-Legislative Campaign is currently working to introduce legislation in several states. Click here to check the progress of your state.

15. Can I sue?

Only a legal professional can advise you on this. Our experience as expert witness with attorneys does enable us to suggest that the injustice that resulted from bullying is rarely reversed by lawsuits. Lawsuits in the U.S. necessarily have to use existing laws. U.S. labor laws provide embarrassingly few worker protections. Lawsuits are expensive. Attorneys will not remember case details; you will have to manage your own case. Depositions (intense invasive interrogations) by the employer's attorneys re-traumatized injured bullied workers. Many quit their lawsuits at that stage. Your privacy will be lost. Your health records will be available for your bully and employer to mock. But if you do want to pursue legal action, see our answer to the related attorney question.

16. Do you have the names of any attorneys who understand bullying?

Without current U.S. laws, there can be no legal specialists in bullying. However, we do have specific advice about how to find an attorney likely to understand your plight. The biggest hurdle to overcome is the inexperience with emotional abuse cases that you and your attorney may have when fighting the corporate defense team that has lots of experience defending the abusive employer. The more typical bullying is of the corporate culture, the more practiced are the corporate legal eagles. They have a system that you as a newbie face. Ideally, you want an attorney who has fought against the same employer and knows how to humble them. Tell your attorney that Dr. Gary Namie has served as an expert witness in several bullying-related cases, including the famous Indiana case resolved by the state Supreme Court in 2008.

17. How can I prevent this from happening at my next job?

Two principal answers to this. First, restore your health first and establish boundaries making slight personal changes as described in the book The Bully At Work. Depending on the severity of the harm suffered and the nature of your departure (in your control or involuntarily disgraced), rebound time can be long. Equally important is that you screen the next employer during the interview process. Ask why the job is open and how long the predecessor was there. If asked why you ask, answer "just curious." (Turnover is the key indicator that bullying happens there.) Ask what is the manager's attitude toward "workaholics." (If they say it is expected, lots of unpaid overtime, abandonment of family, etc. know what you are getting into.) Ask what policies or codes exist to ensure a "Respectful Workplace." If they answer with that naturally they have and enforce anti-harassment rules. Push farther for the presence of a code that makes unacceptable abusive, cruel, destructive conduct by anybody. If they answer that they rely on "common sense," that "no one like that" works here, state that the best places to work recognize that out-of-control people are destructive and have clear guidelines and punish offenders. More important to you than the absence of a policy is the response they give to the question. You decide how risky it is to work in a place that denies it happens. During the interview, you may actually have to say that you left an employer because they refused to protect workers from unsafe people. It is imperative that you take the next job with your eyes wide open. No more surprises. No deer-in-the-headlights paralysis for you.