Women are a jealous, catty group. We’re raised to pay attention to the other women in our lives in a judgmental way. We even judge our friends. Despite the idea of sisterhood, we’re more prone to be critical of each other than men are. This mentality carries over into the workplace where female on female bullying is on the rise.

Since 2007, the practice has increased by 9%, according to the Workplace Bullying Institute. Yes, it’s that common, that there’s an institute.

Some women, once they’ve reached the top, are willing to help other women get there, too. But others will pull that ladder up behind them and secure themselves in the minority without looking back. In male-dominated offices, women who have succeeded tend to take on stereotypically male behaviors. They learn to be more aggressive and cut-throat, and once you throw in their natural jealousy of each other, it’s a perfect mix for workplace turmoil. Recent research shows that women are 71% more likely to be bullied by another woman. Whereas, the chances of a woman being bullied by a man is at a much lower 46%.

These statistic are startling and upsetting. As women, we’ve come so far in the business world in just over the last 30 year alone. For us, as a gender, to be so down on each other does not bode well for our future not only in the workplace but amongst ourselves as a society.

Some “mean girls,” will admit that there is a power trip in sinking their claws into another woman’s back, if only to prove that you’re better in some way. These same women can’t dignify or even justify some of the things they’ve done both in and out of the workplace to keep other women in their place – it’s as though it just comes naturally to some. But where it might be natural for some to be deceptive and, in some cases, outright evil, those on the receiving end understand the damage that can be done.

“I was 23 and pretty much straight out of college. My boss at the time admitted to me that she’d started out in a work environment where female bullying was completely normal. Because of her past she decided she would bully her inferiors one day, too. It was like a sorority game to her. I didn’t deserve to get hazed, but I was going to get hazed anyway on principle,” says one victim.

“I’m a teacher at a high school and I work with a female bully. She’s charming with the male teachers, but goes to great lengths to insult any woman who questions her. She’s as petty as criticizing someone’s outfit until they’re on the verge of tears. I don’t know why she doesn’t get fired,” says a second victim.

We can blame genetics or generations of struggle for equality that has given us a chip on our shoulders – but that’s just passing the buck. We owe it to ourselves to kick female on female bullying to the curb and to stand up for sisterhood in all its forms. You would not be where you are today if another woman didn’t pave the way for you. And like our inherent catty ways, this too, is a fact.

###

The original article

Is There No Room for Sisterhood in Today’s Workplaces?

by James Turnbull, Korea Times, May 22, 2009

In U.S. workplaces, women are primarily bullied by other women rather than by men, the New York Times reported last week, and the news quickly went viral as it busted some long and deeply-held stereotypes about the women’s movement.

In total, 60 percent of bullies in U.S. workplaces are men, according to the Workplace Bullying Institute (WBI), a national advocacy group. But whereas they tend to target both sexes equally, their female counterparts choose other women as their targets over 70 percent of the time.

These figures were surprising because they arrived in an environment where the glass ceiling remains quite strong

A 2008 census by the nonprofit research group Catalyst, for instance, found that only 15.7 percent of Fortune 500 officers and 15.2 percent of directors were women.

On that basis, it had been natural to assume that many women workers identify themselves as members of a repressed group, and consequently are more supportive and nurturing of each other in their working lives than men are.

Yet in reality, as numerous examples provided by the WBI attest to, there is little sense of feminist solidarity in the workplace. Why?

Solidarity of the sisterhood is a myth and stereotype. It doesn’t mean it does not exist, it’s just that not all women are nurturant and supportive to one another. Neither is every man macho and hyper-aggressive. Stereotypes are generalizations about sex-role-typed behavior, common acts associated with only one gender and not the other. Many behaviors are gender-typed. 

Workplace Bullying is not gender-typed. Workplace environment factors are better predictors than gender. For example, a culture that carries no accountability or negative consequences, regardless of how harmful the behavior exhibited paves the way for bullies. A place where kissing-up (ingratiation) is the norm is fertile territory, where bullying and favoritism (and its converse, ostracism) thrive.

When we discuss the WBI Healthy Workplace Bill, we speak of “status-blind” harassment. Bullying crosses the boundaries drawn by gender, race, ethnicity, age, and disability. Thus bullying is truly “gender-free.”

What attracts the media to woman-on-woman (WOW) bullying is the fact that women are targeted at a higher rate by female bullies (71%) than by male bullies (46%). Yes, women are crueler to women than they are to men, and that must be explained. But don’t forget that 60% of all bullies are men. 31% of all bullying is men-on-men, 29% is WOW. Why is there so little interest in the more frequent variety of same-gender bullying? Because it’s discounted as routine, expected, predictable. WOW sounds mysterious, counterintuitive, and, I think, somewhat prurient.

So here are some explanations for WOW bullying that rarely make it into TV segments on bullying, print stories and the gabfest which is the blogosphere. We offer this because some readers might get the impression that we are misogynists. We are not! 57% of all bullied targets are women, and the majority of callers seeking help from us are women. We are women’s advocates in the fight against workplace bullying.

The WBI  starter list of explanations

A. It’s the workplace, not the people in it. Employers create work environments where aggression is rewarded. women see this (as well if not better than men) and learn to abuse others to get ahead. It’s the way things are done around here.

In male-dominated organizations, where men hold all the executive positions, women tend to adopt male-sex-typed behavior to survive and succeed. Only in female-run organizations (or those run by males who adopt a female-sex-typed style that values quality of interpersonal relationships as much as power and status differences) can there be hope for a less aggressive, more dignified and respectful way to operate.

See the Women and Bullying articles in our Research section for relevant studies about this particular angle.

B. A double standard about women is alive and well and practiced by both men and women. If women are “nice” they are too soft. If they are tough, they are “bitchy.” There are two social psychological explanations for this. 

First, it is gender bias in the causal attribution process. Causal attribution is simply showing a preference for explaining things that happen. Old research found that if a person is described succeeding at a task, the explanation depends on whether the person described is male or female. Success for men is typically explained by a trait, inherent skill, intelligence, ability. With exactly the same information, when it’s a woman, success is the result of the task being so easy anyone could have done it or luck. And both men and women elect those different explanations. 

Second, the first person to break any barrier and be the lone representative of a group (and therefore, be in the statistical minority) is called a “token.” Tokens are subjected to disproportionate pressure. Errors, however tiny, are magnified. Successes can also be blown out of proportion. In practice, token individuals often break from the pressure. Look at what Jackie Robinson had to endure when he broke the race barrier in the white baseball league. Same for the first woman CEO or the first woman to attain a high rank in any organization. Women are natural tokens in male-dominated domains, like business. Men are rarely the only male in any role, but when they are, they, too are tokens and heavily scrutinized.

C. Women targets are less likely to confront in response to being bullied. But targets, of both genders, rarely react with aggression. That’s what makes them targets. Bullies sense who will be an easier mark. Targets are sorted into those who take no action because of a higher moral calling. It could be their religion that tells them to turn the other cheek or to never lower oneself to the level of a tyrant. Other targets walk away in fear, stunned at the surprise attack. Getting away is the only reaction they have. Once away, they hope time will heal the wound or prevent it from happening again. Regardless of motive, targets do not defend themselves because either they are unable (it’s not their worldview and never acquired the skill of self-defense because it’s a fair world, no one will hurt you) or unwilling to do so. Targets are all “easy marks.” It’s not just women.

D. Most bullies are bosses (in the US, 72% of bullies are bosses). All bullies prefer to bully subordinates. It’s a permitted prerogative that makes being a boss attractive to many people. So, bullying flows downhill.

Women are bosses, too. But they are lower-ranking than men bosses (only 15% of executives are women, only 3% of CEOs). So they are more likely managing other women and not other men executives. They bully whoever they can. So, WOW may be nothing more than proximity at work. You bully those within reach.

E. Though I’m not a woman, I’ve had a great deal to do with them during my lifetime (and Ruth educates me constantly). (She says that) women are socialized to judge other girls while growing up. They pay attention to how others look and dress all the time. Self-identity can be almost entirely dependent on how others appear and how they are judged by others. Without comparisons to others, some would not know how to make decisions.

Two factors emerge. First, modeling one’s personal behavior on the actions of others gives a great deal of power to the other person. Clearly in WOW relationships where apparent friendship preceded bullying, the bully may have been respected by the future target. When she is betrayed, the target ruminates (for way too long) about the inexplicable turnaround, searching for a rational explanation. It doesn’t matter, it just happened because the bully wanted it to. Wanting to be like someone else gives away too much personal control over one’s own life and choices made.

Second, the skill of paying attention since childhood determines the adult woman’s perceptual field. Other women are salient in the social world. More information is gleaned from cultivating relationships with women. Abusive, exploitative relationships with one person dominating the other is simply a twisted, sick reliance upon getting information from another woman (to then be used against her). Targets fall into the trap easily.

F. Feminist writers claim that women grow up accustomed to having their personal boundaries invaded and thus learn to treat other women that same way. A girl’s opinions are treated as irrelevant by the father compared to her brother’s. A girl’s ambitions are tamped down, expectations made more “realistic,” dreams treated as impossible. This is denial of her very psychological integrity, a discounting of her humanity. If this is how she is raised, she grows accustomed to being treated rudely or denigrated as not deserving equal status with others. So, when bullied at work, the immediate reaction is rarely outrage and righteous indignation that a fool would dare lie so readily or be so unapologetically cruel. It is more likely a timid turing away, starting immediately to blame herself, buying into the lies (as if some “kernel of truth” is buried in all the manure), and spiraling into a psychologically compromised state.

Read Phyllis Chesler’s Woman’s Inhumanity to Woman in the Recommended Books section.

So, there’s my preliminary thinking about the topic. Do you see why reporters can’t handle all this information?

Women:  share your favorite explanation for WOW bullying by adding a comment. We want to see lots of input from you, the experts.

She threw scissors across the room and barked at Cheryl to pick them up. She framed the young nurse for an egregious medical error involving a patient in their maternity ward. For an entire year – Cheryl’s first out of school – she verbally abused her in front of patients, who themselves feared this woman’s wrath.

“I actually had no confidence left, I thought I would have to try another job. On my last day of work, I didn’t even think I could take a blood pressure. [She] questioned everything I did.”

This senior nurse was Cheryl’s workplace bully and a recurring nightmare for the Calgarian, who did not want her last name used for fear of reprisal. While that was 36 years ago, the experience is seared in her mind as a reminder to refuse to be pushed around. But even recently, a colleague yelled at Cheryl in the hallway after she disagreed with how she was handling an issue.

“I said, ‘I don’t receive this. We have to agree to disagree. This is how I see it, this is how you see it.’ She ended the conversation, but she’s left me alone.”

Workplaces fraught with uncertainty are giving rise to office bullying. The antagonistic behaviour is becoming more commonplace, experts say, as the recession puts employees in survival mode – and contrary to macho stereotypes, some of the biggest workplace bullies are women.

A 2007 survey conducted by the Workplace Bullying Institute, an U.S. advocacy group, and polling company Zogby, found that female bullies target other women 71 per cent of the time.

Women make up 40 per cent of workplace bullies and 57 per cent of targets.

Just like Meryl Streep’s horrendous character in The Devil Wears Prada, the bullying woman often holds the power or at least some of it.

“Women are targeted because they’re easier targets [for female bullies],” says Erica Pinsky, a Vancouver consultant who works with organizations to form anti-bullying and harassment policies. “And they’re easier targets because they won’t stand up for themselves. You know ‘pick on someone your own size?’ It’s pick on someone your own sex.”

It’s mostly mid-level female managers or employees baring their fangs, says Nan Mooney, journalist and author of I Can’t Believe She Did That: Why Women Betray Other Women at Work.

“We can feel there’s a possibility we could lose our jobs if we cut another woman slack. We can also feel threatened by an ambitious, intelligent woman coming up from beneath us and want to knock her down and keep her in her place.”

That threat is fuelled by insecurity, which women tend to feel more than men do, Ms. Mooney adds. And with good reason – their jobs are often less secure.

“Women tend to be paid less, there are glass ceilings that are slightly porous, but still exist. … Women are dealing with issues of taking care of families, maternity leaves. Trying to balance all these things creates a great deal of tension,” she says.

But if gals are all facing the same career challenges, why lash out at another woman?

“I wish we could think more of that sensibility that we are in this together and it doesn’t necessarily help you to hurt other women,” Ms. Mooney says. “But a lot of times we’re in a position where we can take it out on other women, and we can’t take it out on our male boss or even a male underling who may become our boss.”

Women are more trusting and likely to share personal information at work, offering ammunition for a potential bully, she says.

Women have been socialized to play nice and many dodge conflict, Ms. Pinsky says.

“I hear from women, ‘I hate confrontation, I hate confrontation.’ The idea is any time you give people feedback, it’s confrontation and we need to change that,” she says. The change can come by developing a culture where the bullied victim can go multiple places for help – not just to the boss, who may be the bully.

But female bullies can be subtle and craftier than their male counterparts, says Marilyn Noble, who researches workplace bullying at the University of New Brunswick.

“Women tend to use relational aggression. It’s verbal, psychological, emotional bullying. People don’t recognize it – it’s covert, it’s harder to pin down and to prove,” she says.

There’s also a lot of reputation smearing, and female bullies often manipulate others into joining them, says Diane Rodgers, co-ordinator for the Bully Within, a B.C. group of professionals who have organized to fight workplace bullying. The consequences can be dire.

One woman Ms. Rodgers knows was hounded by a female colleague who would phone her up and berate her for not tying up loose ends before taking a sick leave for cancer treatments. Some female bullies pretend to be a woman’s friend only to spread lies that turn others against her. Some are driven out of their jobs and battle post-traumatic stress disorder.

To Cheryl, there’s just one catalyst for workplace shove-arounds.

“Stress. I think people are stressed. I think involved in it is all of our personality traits. Sometimes it’s an ego thing, like ‘I think I’m right,’ ” she says. But she also sees it getting better. Nurses like herself are vowing to guard young colleagues from the abuse with which she was initiated into the profession.

“I determined it would never happen. Nursing used to have a saying, ‘They eat their young,’ ” she says. “I say help them be the best they can be.”

View the original article

May 19, 2009

Are women natural bullies? According to the Workplace Bullying Institute (WBI), 60 percent of bullies at work are men, but they don’t tend to discriminate which gender they bully. On the other hand, 70 percent of the victims of women bullies are women, reported the New York Times on Sunday. Most people are aware of it, but prefer to ignore it.

Read more from the original Chosun Ilbo article

By MICKEY MEECE
New York Times
May 10, 2009

YELLING, scheming and sabotaging: all are tell-tale signs that a bully is at work, laying traps for employees at every pass.

During this downturn, as stress levels rise, workplace researchers say, bullies are likely to sharpen their elbows and ratchet up their attacks.

It’s probably no surprise that most of these bullies are men, as a survey by the Workplace Bullying Institute, an advocacy group, makes clear. But a good 40 percent of bullies are women. And at least the male bullies take an egalitarian approach, mowing down men and women pretty much in equal measure. The women appear to prefer their own kind, choosing other women as targets more than 70 percent of the time.

In the name of Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem, what is going on here?

Read the rest of the article

Joan Frye, featured in the clip below, is the Tennessee State Coordinator for the WBI-Legislative Campaign.

The bullying magazine executive played by Meryl Streep in the film “The Devil Wears Prada” is played for laughs, but women bullying other female employees in the real world is no laughing matter.

Joan Frye, who worked in a hospital in Nashville, Tenn., said she endured nearly two years of bullying at the hands of her female boss, which led her to a mental breakdown and a long court battle.

Just four months into her job, Frye, 62, said she knew there was going to be trouble with her boss.

“She had me come into her office for my 90-day review, and she started, ‘We don’t click. … What are you going to do about it?’ Not what are we going to do, but what are you going to do about it,” Frye said. “I knew then that we were going to have a serious problem.”

Frye said her boss undermined her in front of employees, isolated her from senior management, gave her impossible deadlines and humiliated her. She dreaded going to work.

“One day she would be nice, and the next day she would attack,” Frye said. “She would glare at me. She would make noise like ‘haaa’ if I was talking to somebody. She would walk between us and turn her back on me.”

After she complained to human resources and senior management, she said, she was transferred to another department. After six months in her new position, Frye said the problems with her previous boss led to a mental breakdown, forcing her to take a medical leave of absence.

Frye filed a lawsuit against the company. Four years later, after exhausting her savings, the case was dismissed. The court did, however, describe her old boss as “an equal opportunity oppressor,” calling her management style “abrasive” and declaring that the difficult relationship contributed to “disabling problems” for Frye.

Suffering in Silence
Many women are afraid to confront their bullying bosses and suffer in silence, said Gary Namie, a psychologist and founder of the Workplace Bullying Institute.

“You should not have to risk clinical depression, debilitating anxiety, or — and as 30 percent of women experience — post-traumatic stress disorder. You shouldn’t have a war wound in the workplace,” Namie said.

It’s a war being fought across the country in all types of workplaces. An estimated 54 million people say they have been bullied at work, according to a 2007 WBI survey conducted by Zogby International.

While men tend to target male and female employees equally, women bosses are likely to aim their hostility toward other women more than 70 percent of the time, according to a survey by the Workplace Bullying Institute.

Workplace experts have different theories on why women more often target other women. Some say these women see female co-workers as possible competition for only a few top-level positions.

Namie said it’s more important to get help, not try to analyze the tormenter’s motives. The institute says more than 80 percent of those bullied lose their jobs, and 41 percent suffer clinical depression.

Recovering Bullies Confess
The Growth Leadership Center in California counsels women whose “tough” office demeanor amounted to aggression.

In a “bully broads” roundtable discussion, a group of women talked about their hostile workplace behavior.

“I actually made someone cry. I sort of went over the edge, and as I closed the door I thought, ‘That was not me in there,’” said Christine Forter, one of the women in the roundtable.

“I knew I was a bully, but I thought I was justified. It is the perfection combined with the urgency that creates a lethal combination,” said Christine King, another woman who took part in the discussion.

By attending counseling groups, some “bully broads” said, they hope they will be able to recognize how their negative behavior affects others and try to make changes in their management style.

“Like, you never say, ‘That is stupid,’ but you pause and say something like, ‘That is an interesting idea, and let’s talk about it,’” said Monica Palm, another group member.

But for people like Joan Frye who have been bullied, the debilitating effects of a hostile work environment may last forever.

“I feel like this took away my life as it was. It caused damage to my family; it caused damage to my reputation; it caused damage to us significantly financially,” Frye said. “I feel like it was probably the worst thing that has happened to me in my entire life.”

Are women other women’s own worst enemies at work?

There was an interesting essay a few weeks ago in the New York Times about workplace infighting among women. The piece, by Peggy Klaus, who leads corporate training programs, describes how women can sometimes derail each other in the office. One study by the Workplace Bullying Institute, for example, found that female office bullies, who commit verbal abuse, sabotage performance or hurt relationships, aim at other women more than 70% of the time. (Male workplace bullies, by contrast, tend to be equal-opportunity offenders, targeting both men and women.)

There are several theories why some women hurt other women in the workplace, according to Ms. Klaus. One is scarcity: there are few spots at the top, so women at higher levels are reluctant to help other women who could potentially usurp them.

Another reason is what the author calls the “D.I.Y. Bootstrap Theory.” Some women reason that if they had to pull themselves up on their own, why should they help anyone else?

Women may also be worried about showing favoritism toward other women, so instead, they can end up going too far in the other direction and go out of their way to not help their female colleagues.

And then there’s the idea that some women are over-emotional, which leads them to take challenges or criticism personally, hold grudges or get caught up in petty arguments.

Ms. Klaus points out that some men have found ways to deal with envy or jealousy, through, say raunchy banter or humor, that may not be appropriate for women. A man might say “I’m going to whip your butt on our sales goals this month,” but women may not feel comfortable with such language.

She doesn’t advocate that women emulate men, or that women show favoritism toward their female colleagues. Instead, Ms. Klaus hopes that women simply become aware of, and stop, their own misbehavior to other women, and to call on colleagues if they are treating other female workers unfairly. She says that it’s tough for women to even acknowledge mistreatment by other women.

“If we really want to clear one of the last remaining hurdles to gender parity and career success, let’s start treating one another not worse or better, but simply as well as we already treat the guys Ü or better yet, the way we want our nieces, daughters, granddaughters and sisters to be treated,” she writes.

Readers, what do you think? If you’re a woman, have you experienced mistreatment or infighting from female colleagues? How did you handle it? Or are female managers or colleagues more supportive of your performance?

Back-stabbing; conniving; manipulative; bitch: We all know the stereotypes of strong and successful women in the workplace. However, what if these so-called “ill-founded” images weren’t really that off-point? As young girls in Girl Scouts and then as members of sororities in college, women are taught the importance of sisterhood, solidarity and friendship. Yet, many women in the workplace have been known to put aside these vital lessons in hopes of a pay raise or promotion. It is unfortunate that in the workplace, many women are known to sabotage rather than help fellow female co-workers get ahead.

While men are not discriminating back-stabbers, women on the other hand are more likely to target other women in their pursuit of job-based success. In fact, studies conducted in 2007 for the Workplace Bullying Institute by Zogby International found that women target each other in cases of office conflict 71 percent of the time.

There are many theories circulating as to why women choose to undermine one another. First, there is the scarcity theory, a belief that the positions at the top of the career food-chain are extremely rare for women. Thus, women in senior-level jobs are not only unwilling to help female co-workers, but in fact often actively undermine them out of fear that these younger counterparts will soon be replacing them.

In a recent New York Times article, Peggy Klaus identifies another theory for “Mean Girls”-style tactics that women utilize, known as the “D.I.Y. Bootstrap Theory.” Many women think that because they had to pull themselves up by their bootstraps in order to get ahead without assistance from anyone, they don’t need to help others. Still, one can contend that the bullying is unintentional and that it instead comes from a desire to dispel accusations of showing favoritism toward other women. Despite the implications of labeling women as hyperemotional, it could in fact be the case that many women mistreat each other because of their tendency to take everything too personally. Even when given constructive criticism or suggestions, some women feel assaulted and attacked whenever they hear negative feedback of any kind. A woman scorned is indeed dangerous to deal with, especially if you have to see that woman at work every day.

Many women who have gone through these experiences feel compelled to remain silent in order to preserve an image of unity, such as the one presented in the women’s movements of the ’60s and ’70s. Acknowledging these kinds of misbehaviors might confirm many negative gender stereotypes that are often associated with women. You know the stereotypes about jealous and vindictive females and how they can never be trusted? Yeah, those are the ones. Despite being called to the female cause in this aspect, women continue to mistreat one another.

However, simply ignoring the behavior will only perpetuate the cycle. It is up to each and every woman to catch herself and own up to these mistakes. In some cases, it is not even necessary to treat each other with undue kindness. Klaus suggests that women “start treating one another not worse or better, but simply as well as we treat the guys — or better yet, the way we want our nieces, daughters, granddaughters and sisters to be treated.”

It is not only in the workplace that women treat each other badly. Unfortunately, it is often a daily occurrence whenever you pass on a bit of gossip, call a peer a “slut” or a “whore” or give a woman a judgmental once-over on the street. In many aspects, women often have fears of being seen as inadequate in beauty, intelligence or career-based success next to other women, causing this kind of intra-gender maliciousness. And despite these misguided beliefs, it is not necessary to crush another woman in order to get ahead in this world.

It is important for women to remember that whether dealing with one another in work or in life, the best way to prove you are better for a position or job than another woman isn’t by feeding her Kalteen bars or giving her peppermint foot cream to use as face lotion. Instead, women should completely throw these kinds of tactics out the window and show each other mutual respect (not necessarily kindness), thus enabling women to truly succeed in the end.

Lila Kooklan is a fourth-year political science major. She can be reached at lkooklan@uci.edu

By PEGGY KLAUS
New York Times
January 11, 2009

I GREW up the youngest of four girls, and nothing was more important to me than my sisters. Sure, we had our fights, but the idea of not getting along for any extended time was out of the question. Helping one another was paramount, especially after my mother died during our childhood.

Later in life, as I started my career, these lessons from my sisterhood served me well, and I naïvely thought that the same would be true for other women, especially on the heels of the women’s movement.

But to this day, a pink elephant is lurking in the room, and we pretend it’s not there. For years, I have heard behind closed doors from women — young and old, up and down the ladder — that we can be our own worst enemies at work.

Let me stress that throughout my career, I’ve benefited in countless ways from the advice and support of my female colleagues, just as so many others have.

But while women have come a long way in removing workplace barriers, one of the last remaining obstacles is how they treat one another. Instead of helping to build one another’s careers, they sometimes derail them — for example, by limiting access to important meetings and committees; withholding information, assignments and promotions; or blocking the way to mentors and higher-ups.

And if you are a woman and happen to have a female co-worker who is a bully, watch out. A recent study by the Workplace Bullying Institute examining office behaviors — like verbal abuse, job sabotage, misuse of authority and destroying of relationships — found that female bullies aim at other women more than 70 percent of the time. Bullies who are men, by contrast, tend to be equal-opportunity tormentors when it comes to the gender of their target.

Despite all the money spent annually on women’s leadership conferences and professional development programs, you’d be hard-pressed to find a workshop on women mistreating one another at work. Don’t get me wrong: I’m a huge proponent of women’s leadership programs. But teaching career skills is not enough if we ignore one of the most important reasons for holding these events in the first place: learning to value one another so we can all get ahead.

I’ve heard plenty of theories on why women undermine one another at work. Probably the most popular one is the scarcity excuse — the idea that there are too few spots at the top, so women at more senior levels are unwilling to assist female colleagues who could potentially replace them.

Another explanation is what I call the “D.I.Y. Bootstrap Theory,” which goes like this: “If I had to pull myself up by the bootstraps to get ahead with no one to help me, why should I help you? Do it yourself!”

Some people argue that women aren’t intentionally undermining one another; rather, they don’t want to be accused of showing favoritism toward other women.

Others contend that women mistreat one another because of hyperemotionality, leading them to become overly invested in insignificant nuances and causing them to hold grudges. I’ve encountered this phenomenon among women who feel personally assaulted when someone criticizes them or their ideas.

Research shows that, in general, women are the more empathetic sex and are by nature more attuned to their own and others’ feelings. This is a great advantage when dealing with the human complexities of the workplace. But there’s a downside: If women take things too personally when challenged or criticized, they are prone to overreaction. When that happens, there’s trouble.

And, of course, some people assert that while women compete quite ably on the sports field and in the classroom, they haven’t learned how to compete in a healthy way at the office. For example, men often handle their feelings of envy and jealousy with humor and a left-handed compliment: “I’m going to whip your butt on our sales goals this month.” Or, “Who’d you have to pay off for that promotion?” They deal with it, and they move on. Although considered perfectly acceptable for men in most business settings, this kind of banter is not as socially acceptable for women.

Now, I’m not advocating that women emulate men. We tried that route in the ’70s and ’80s during the power-suit era. But when women are chained to stereotypes of being nurturers and cheerleaders, unexpressed and unresolved feelings of jealousy will surface — often in a far more destructive manner that’s reminiscent of mean-girl behavior from middle school.

BUT in the end, determining why women undermine one another’s workplace success isn’t what’s most important. Rather, we need to simply stop our own misbehavior and to call our colleagues on theirs.

Many of us, however, find it hard to even acknowledge mistreatment by another woman. We fear that bringing our experience into the light and talking about it will set us back to that ugly gender stereotype we have fought so hard to overcome: the one about the overemotional, backstabbing, aggressive (and you know what’s coming) bitch.

Yet, expecting women to be universally supportive of one another or to give preferential treatment to anyone with two X chromosomes is an equally unworkable view.

If we really want to clear one of the last remaining hurdles to gender parity and career success, let’s start treating one another not worse or better, but simply as well as we already treat the guys — or better yet, the way we want our nieces, daughters, granddaughters and sisters to be treated.